


Hold on

by dreamyeon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drama, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Not Beta Read, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-09-27 14:37:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20409415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyeon/pseuds/dreamyeon
Summary: Baekhyun and Kyungsoo have been best friends with benefits for a really long time, and everyone around them thinks they are dating, even their closest friends.Everything changes when they finally realize that the benefits are only confusing their friendship, leaving them in a deadlock: should they remain just friends or try to be, maybe, lovers?





	1. Pick up and roll the dice

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo, i'm back with my bullshit.
> 
> i love (and miss) baeksoo and i just wanted to share this (even not knowing if anyone will actually read and like this). this work was originally posted in portuguese some months ago, and i decided to translate it to english (so it probably has some mistakes because i don't have a beta reader). 
> 
> it's divided in three parts and i don't know if i will take long to update it, it'll depend on my time and the possible reactions to this fanfic.
> 
> for now, i just hope you guys enjoy it (because it's a very special story for me) ♡

Buttoning his pants and bending down to pick up the T-shirt that was thrown on the floor, Baekhyun tried his best to not make noise and consequently ruin Kyungsoo's sleep, who simply hated being woken up early, or better: woken up before midday.

Managing to dress up without waking him, Baekhyun smiled proudly of his accomplishment, seeing that Kyungsoo was still sleeping, giving him a privileged view of his bare and slightly scratched back.

Last night was completely  _ crazy,  _ now that Baekhyun remembered. His friends had invited him to watch movies and eat junk food on that Sunday — as responsible college students who would have classes the next morning — and, for some reason, they ended up going to a crazy party with drinks, drugs and sex as usual. 

Baekhyun remembered mumbling the whole trip inside the Uber — which was tight with five bodies — about how bad that idea was, about how he had to go to class the next day with a clean face and without a trace of alcohol on his body, and about how everyone needed to be responsible adults at least once in their lives.

However, he was obviously ignored, Chanyeol was too busy thinking about the girls he could meet, Minseok was more worried about drinking, Jongdae kept screaming in an almost unbearable enthusiasm and Kyungsoo... well, Kyungsoo just agreed with anything they wanted to do, incredibly entertained by Baekhyun's grumbles.

After a lot of complaints, Baekhyun just gave up and decided to have fun during the party, in which he danced, drank and flirted a lot while enjoying the music and the numbness caused by the drink.

In the end, Baekhyun slept with Kyungsoo and they let the desire speak louder again, kissing and fucking until they lost their strength, in an intense and hot sex they were used to have on occasions like that — or any they could see opportunity.

The night had _ definitely  _ been crazy, Baekhyun assumed with a smirk of satisfaction as he remembered the wet kisses, touches, bites, hickeys, whispers, groans and frantic movements as they fucked _ hard,  _ exactly the way Kyungsoo liked the most.

Fucking his friend was always good, even though they had never talk about it seriously, just making jokes and treating _ it  _ as if it were nothing. It was always very satisfying, to be honest, because they had the freedom and intimacy to express their tastes and fantasies, in such a way that they knew each other's body perfectly.

Ridding himself of his thoughts about his current relationship with his best friend, Baekhyun got startled when he checked the hours. He had woken up early enough to get to the internship at the right time, but he got distracted by last night's memories, and he blamed it for having a mild hangover. 

Tucking his cell phone and wallet in his pocket, he hurried out because he had to stop by his house first to get ready, but not before leaning over and giving Kyungsoo a slight peck on the lips, who showed a lovely pout during his sleep.

Locking everything and making sure to leave the spare key in place — inside a big flower pot — Baekhyun made his way home and started another long week.

[...]

“Finally!” Chanyeol's voice sounded like a scream in Baekhyun's sensitive ears, who was already frowning. “You owe me for covering you up to the professor, I said you had a little problem, but you were already coming."

Baekhyun chuckled, tucking a sweaty strand of hair back and straightening his posture.

“Should I thank you for that? Thank you, Chanyeol, my savior…” he said emotionless. “Where are the others? In the ward?"

Chanyeol shook his head, pointing his thumb back and indicating the corridor that led to the operating rooms.

“They are watching a birth now, so I'm out here," he replied dejectedly. "I don't know when I can finally watch this without wanting to pass out, there's nothing there I haven't seen before." He sighed in sadness.

"Just a woman giving birth to another person, right?" Baekhyun chuckled. "I was scared at first too, but now I'm so used to it that it became interesting."

“It's scary,” Chanyeol muttered, wincing slightly as if he had just remembered something and changing the subject quickly. “And where are you coming from? Had a good night yesterday?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, a little bored.

“We were literally together yesterday, idiot,” he muttered ironically. “I don't even know how you look so good today, my head is throbbing.”

“I have my tricks,” Chanyeol said with a grin. “And yes, we were together yesterday, but we didn't  _ leave _ together, so I don't know if you had a good fuck or not.”

Baekhyun shook his head and smirked, leaning against the wall beside his friend.

“And does it matter to you?" he asked in a teasing tone, as if playing with a child. "The night was good, that's all you need to know."

Chanyeol laughed, elbowing Baekhyun's rib enthusiastically.

“This I know, Byun. This giant hickey on your neck already says it all,” he joked, having fun to watch his friend widen his eyes and reach for the indicated place. “Besides, I bet Kyungsoo is in the same way, Jongdae said you guys went home together  _ again.” _

Baekhyun frowned, feeling suddenly betrayed by his friends.

“And why did you ask if you already knew?” he grumbled, annoyed.

Chanyeol just laughed, moving away from the wall and starting to move, shifting weight from one leg to the other.

“Because it's always fun to see you pretending you don't know what you guys have, even if everyone already knows you two are dating," Chanyeol replied with a shrug.

“We are not dating,” Baekhyun denied, frowning and getting away from the wall to escort his friend to the operation room. "We just... have sex  _ sometimes." _

“You mean  _ always _ , right?” the big man retorted, walking calmly while Baekhyun seemed about to have a crisis over the utter nonsense he was saying. "In fact, I don't even know why you guys are not officially dating yet, but that's none of my business, so it's better to be quiet." Chanyeol smirked, frowning as soon as they stopped in front of the room where a terrifying childbirth was taking place. "Are you going in?"

Baekhyun emerged from the trance he had been in since hearing “Kyungsoo” and “dating” in a context involving himself, only nodding before following a pretty scared Chanyeol to witness the goddamn birth.

Suddenly, watching it all seemed less complicated than just the idea of dating Kyungsoo one day, but still, Baekhyun kept thinking about it for the rest of Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, until he got to Thursday — in which he was going to meet his best friend during lunch time, after four days without seeing him.

Ever since he started his internship, Baekhyun had been very busy. He was in seventh semester of nursing, nearing the end of his degree, and sometimes he didn't even remember what life was like when he got into more work and things to do. So there was almost no time left for him to see Kyungsoo except at the available lunch times and on weekends when they scheduled to go out in a group.

Kyungsoo was an graphic design student, who was giving a break at the moment to focus on his personal life — to sleep and to not study as much as he could — and working as a his own boss, doing some jobs as a  _ almost graduated designer. _

Both were in their mid-twenties, Baekhyun was only a year older than Kyungsoo — which was more than enough to practically  _ order _ the boy to call him hyung, in a weird fetish that only worked when they were drunk and horny — and much more responsible and concerned about his professional career.

While Baekhyun kept thinking and making plans about his life and studies, Kyungsoo was the type who tried not to think too much about it all, living one day at time and making the most of his extended hours of sleep and self-employment.

Baekhyun liked compromises and never got late, Kyungsoo hated and almost always forgot all of them; Baekhyun was genuinely kind, Kyungsoo tried his best to be at least cordial; Baekhyun was serious, Kyungsoo was ironic.

Maybe they weren't the most perfect match, because they were annoyingly different and had very contrasting personalities, but somehow they understood each other like nobody else and were best friends for so many years that it wasn't even relevant to count.

And if there was someone that Baekhyun knew he could trust with his eyes closed and jumping off a cliff, this someone was Kyungsoo — even with his flaws and big differences — just as Kyungsoo could trust him.

Baekhyun was thinking about exactly that: the bond of trust and  _ almost _ brotherhood he had with Kyungsoo as he drank some of the orange juice he'd asked for and occasionally checked the time on the watch carefully placed on his wrist, starting to get a little upset by the usual delay. When Baekhyun started to think about texting his friend, Kyungsoo finally appeared at the door and smirked as if he wasn't  _ late,  _ and Baekhyun couldn't contain himself from rolling his eyes and smiling mischievously. 

Kyungsoo didn't even have the chance to sit his ass on the chair before Baekhyun gave him a disapproving look, arms crossed and apparent annoyance, and opened his mouth to mutter the usual,  _ "You're late." — _ that he didn't answer, preferring to settle in front of him first.

“Did you order the dishes?” Kyungsoo asked as if Baekhyun wasn't judging him, already used to the situation and expecting a sigh of surrender from his friend, that came sooner than he expected. “Don't you think we should have a  _ real _ lunch? They don't serve meals here," he noted the obvious as he looked at the menu. "Just bread and cakes and things that shouldn't be eaten at lunch.”

"I was tired of food from hospital or any nearby restaurant," Baekhyun admitted, straightening his back in his chair. "I thought you wouldn't find it bad, since you often have breakfast at noon." He chuckled, earning a look from Kyungsoo. “And I didn't order, I didn't know what you might want to eat.”

Kyungsoo snorted, pulling the menu to himself and ignoring Baekhyun's gaze on him. “All these years being my best friend and you don't know my tastes?” he asked rhetorically. “Bad friend.”

"Look who's talking." Baekhyun chuckled. “You don't even remember my birthday date…”

"False," Kyungsoo didn't even look away from the menu. “I do remember and I even organize a surprise party every year with Minseok-hyung's help,” he said with some pride in his voice, quickly looking up at Baekhyun with a smirk. “By the way, do you know what you want for this year? Take the chance to talk while I'm being generous, because otherwise it will be about Harry Potter  _ again.” _

“I'm not 5 to have a theme party,” Baekhyun grunted, watching Kyungsoo close the menu and call the waiter. “And I'm definitely tired of Harry Potter already."

"Me too," Kyungsoo answered without even blinking. "But it's your favorite saga and you never complained, so it's convenient."

"But I'm complaining now." Baekhyun pouted.

"But aren't you too old to have a theme party?" Kyungsoo returned in mockery. “Make up, honey."

"You're too ironic, has anyone ever said that?" He grumbled unhappy.

_ "You,  _ every day of my existence since the ninth grade,” Kyungsoo replied unmoving, interrupting the conversation to place orders to the waiter — since he knew Baekhyun's tastes perfectly — and turning his attention back to his friend again, who looked at him a little annoyed. “By the way, how is the internship? Is everything alright?"

Baekhyun frowned, relaxing in his chair in defeat. “For now, yes... Only Chanyeol is still having trouble watching births." He laughed. “And also, the schedule is very busy, if I don't get an excellent grade in this matter, I don't know what I do.”

Kyungsoo shrugged, disregarding it. "Relax, Hyun. Grades do not define intelligence, you will surely pass and that's what matters."

Baekhyun simply raised an eyebrow, but decided not to say anything about it, Kyungsoo was always unconcerned about his studies. “And you're not going back to college anymore? Have you decided to leave for good or do you still intend to get your degree?"

“Yes, I'll be back… maybe next semester,” he answered quietly, as if it wasn't something important. "I still have some time to finish it."

"Hm," it was the only thing Baekhyun answered, watching Kyungsoo smile as he felt his feet touch his in an affectionate way.

Soon they were talking about any thing as they awaited their requests, always with their feet toying under the table and little smiles at the corners of their lips, in a habit so common that they no longer realized, as legitimate best friends and definitely not boyfriends.

  
  


X

“Are you sure you're not interested?” Jongdae asked Kyungsoo, looking discreetly at the guy who sent a free drink to his friend and chuckling as he caught him looking back. "Because if you're not, I totally am." 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and smirked, swallowing the drink he paid himself and pushing the other one to Jongdae with a shrug. "If the interest is mutual, he's all yours."

Jongdae raised his eyebrows, willingly accepting the drink and raising his glass so the man could know who was really interested in him. "That's not funny, Soo…" he practically whispered. "You're never interested in anyone but Baekhyun, why don't you guys date?"

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“Because to date someone there has to be a little thing called love,” he clarified. “And obviously, I love Baekhyun, but as my best friend. Imagine how chaotic it would be to date him, I can't even imagine."

"It would be exactly how it is now," Jongdae replied. "I don't think you have any idea how disgusting you are together: a real couple in love and unbearable happy." He shuddered just to remember. "You guys even fuck, man, what kind of weird friendship is this?"

"Friendship with benefits," Kyungsoo said. "We fuck, and we're still best friends."

"It sounds easy this way," Jongdae said, winking at the guy who was supposedly interested in Kyungsoo and now was looking at him, "but things get complicated when you realize that your friendship with benefits is an exclusive one and you don't want to fuck or to be with anyone else," he said wisely. "But anyways… that's none of my business, and unlike you, I'm crazy to meet that guy over there, so excuse me…"

"Nobody is holding you back," Kyungsoo grumbled, a little grumpy at the insinuations he should have been used to, since there wasn't a day he didn't hear his friends talking about how he and Baekhyun were  _ relationship goals, _ although the current "relationship" between them were just a very healthy and sexual friendship.

Kyungsoo watched Jongdae walk away and get close to the guy who had courted him earlier, smiling as he saw how fast they got in, looking away at the bartender and ordering another drink.

He was in a pub near the university, invited by a very insistent Jongdae, on the promise that they would meet the rest of their friends, and found himself waiting so far while enjoying live music. It played a calm melody of some foreign music, with the singer's slight accent giving something more, relaxing and pleasing to Kyungsoo’s ears, who enjoyed singing along and closing his eyes in appreciation.

That kind of sound reminded him of Baekhyun and his fascination with lo-fi, he had always enjoyed studying listening to music and humming softly to not disturb anyone, unaware that Kyungsoo had always liked hearing him sing, his naturally high pitched voice getting deeper, even sexier.

At the height of his fifteen years, Kyungsoo often invited the boy to study together only for the pleasure of hearing his voice and having his company, while they talked more than they actually studied, spending hours and hours lying on his bed looking at the ceiling and talking nonsense.

They had long conversations about tastes, desires, dreams, and whatever they could share, Baekhyun was the first person Kyungsoo kissed and also the first person to know about his sexuality, without judging or treating him badly for something he felt deep inside. Baekhyun was probably also the first person Kyungsoo gave himself to, or at least the only one that came to mind when trying to remember his very first sex.

The fact was that, with the long afternoons spent at Kyungsoo's house and the whispering confidences, their friendship had become so strong that they felt that nothing, absolutely nothing, could ruin it, even when they fought over any bullshit or something.

And also for that reason, Kyungsoo avoided so much associating the word dating with Byun Baekhyun, his best and oldest friend, for fear of spoiling such a beautiful bond of friendship in exchange of something that just  _ couldn't work, _ since he was so bad in dealing with commitments, while Baekhyun was great and deserved someone much more willing to be in a love relationship than he was. 

Trapped in his thoughts about what Jongdae said, friendship and Baekhyun, he was only distracted by the tight squeeze in his shoulders, which made him give a pained grunt that sounded like the ugliest curse of his vocabulary.

“Missed me, Soo?” Baekhyun's voice rang in his ears, distracting him from the pain he was feeling. “Sorry for being late, my mistake.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, lifting his head to look at Baekhyun, who was leaning down, as if he knew exactly what movement he was going to do.

“No, I didn't," he muttered, faking annoyance. "Has something happened to Mr. I Adore Appointments being late?"

Baekhyun laughed, leaving a peck on his forehead and moving away to occupy the stool beside him, all carefree with the lab coat in one arm and the backpack hanging in the other.

"Lots of work to do,” he answered. “Teachers think we are employees and abuse the power.”

“Hmmm…” Kyungsoo said, looking at Baekhyun. “And where are the others?"

"They are coming," Baekhyun said casually, calling the bartender to order a Whiskey, which Kyungsoo absolutely hated. "Chanyeol and Minseok are arguing about something, it seems Minseok has been tasked with monitoring our class and Chanyeol is not happy because since then he is being constantly called out.”

Kyungsoo laughed, perfectly able to imagine the scene of the two fighting.

"Well, Chanyeol should know that friendship is friendship, love and work are already from another department," he said with a smile.

"Yeah," Baekhyun agreed, scratching his chin and avoiding Kyungsoo's gaze, as if he was a little intimidated. “They really are.”

Kyungsoo pretended not to notice the apparent discomfort of his friend and made conversation about other things. They talked about how the day went, about the music that played in the background and about everything they could talk to contain that desire to touch each other whenever they were near, so strong in their guts.

Baekhyun simply couldn't contain himself from checking Kyungsoo out with obvious want, constantly staring at his lips and stopping at his eyes, only to see the burning desire.

It always started that way, with withfull looks and subtle but frequent touches until they were as close as possible, saying goodbye to their friends in a hurry, who were no longer surprised with the fact that they were going home together  _ again,  _ for the fourth consecutive time that month.

Not even them were surprised, with their bodies touching and their mouths colliding, there was no room left to think about anything other than  _ want,  _ the need to feel and the heat burning their skin.

Kyungsoo kissed Baekhyun as if the world was about to end, with hands firmly in his hair as he rolled slowly and torturously on his lap, only to hear the weeping whining urging him to go faster. Baekhyun was scratching his waist under his shirt and following his movements, though they were still dressed and partly hard.

Kyungsoo let go of Baekhyun's mouth just to pass kisses down his neck, leaving a particularly strong suck on his collarbone as his fingers worked to unbutton his shirt. Baekhyun helped him to take it off and hurried to kiss him again, his hands firmly on his ass.

“How do you want today?” Baekhyun asked, breaking the kiss with a spittle still connecting their lips. “Want to ride my cock? You can also fuck me if you want, I'm clean.”

Kyungsoo arched an eyebrow, thinking about his options and running his fingers over Baekhyun's chest as he started to roll more intensely, seeing him bite his lips hard.

“I want to ride you first,” he simply said, as if his ass grinding on Baekhyun's cock hadn't answered enough. “If we still have the energy, I can fuck you later.”

Baekhyun just moaned a “yes” in response, before kissing him again and squeezing his ass hard, slapping a butcheek.

They quickly got rid of their clothes as they laughed at the small slips and kissed with desire, feeling the need to always be in contact with each other.

Kyungsoo never got tired of admiring Baekhyun's body, gently touching the lines of his abdomen, his chest — already reddened by the kisses left — and his broad shoulders which he liked to cling and scratch during sex. Just as Baekhyun never got tired of admiring Kyungsoo's body, caressing his small nipples, squeezing his waist and grabbing his ass, which he took advantage of to coordinate the movements on his cock.

Sex between them was always good, wild even, perfect if Kyungsoo was feeling generous enough to let Baekhyun cum without torturing him, but it also had a touch of affection and dedication as they tasted each other's mouths and touched each other with such devotion.

Baekhyun took extra care as he prepared Kyungsoo, sucking his earlobe and dragging wet kisses down his neck, biting weakly as he moved his fingers inside him. Kyungsoo moaned brokenly, involuntarily fucking himself with Baekhyun's fingers and begging for more as his prostate was struck, ecstatic by the touches.

Baekhyun stopped everything when Kyungsoo said he was ready and didn't hesitate to take a condom, only to be stopped with a slight whisper of Kyungsoo saying he wanted to  _ feel him _ , making his cock harden even more.

Kyungsoo was quick to rest one hand on Baekhyun's shoulders, holding his cock with the other and directing it to his properly lubricated and prepared hole, without suppressing the loud moan that came from deep in his throat as he sat down and leaned his face on his best friend's neck, feeling completely full.

Baekhyun bit his lip, restraining himself from lift his hips and fuck Kyungsoo, running his fingers down his back gently until he grasped his beautiful ass, clenching and digging his nails the way he knew his friend liked.

“Let's go, Soo. Ride me the way only you can do," Baekhyun encouraged, watching his friend shiver.

When Kyungsoo finally felt good to move, he didn't hesitate to slowly climb up and go down hard, enjoying Baekhyun's whimper of pure pleasure, who held himself back not to move so much, leaving him free to take the reins. Kyungsoo went up and down willingly, torturing Baekhyun for the slow speed imposed while feeling his cock being stroked.

Baekhyun masturbated him like a pro, allowing him to do whatever he wanted on his lap, and said the dirtiest things at the satisfaction he felt. With his sweaty, tousled hair, his wet, reddened skin, Kyungsoo rode him effortlessly, making the sound of their bodies colliding against each other resonate through the room with moans and howls of pleasure.

At one point, Baekhyun began to follow his best friend's movements, grasping his waist and lifting his own hip to fuck him hard, at a fast pace. Kyungsoo didn't complain, just grabbing his shoulders and allowing himself to be fucked, moaning right into Baekhyun's ear.

“Yes, Hyun,” he encouraged, feeling a sharp slap on his ass. "Fuck me harder, come for me."

Baekhyun obeyed, working even harder on his movements. 

“Fill me with your cum and don't let me forget how nice it is to have you inside me,” Kyungsoo moaned. “I love how you fuck me.”

Baekhyun grunted, pulling Kyungsoo for a kiss and thrusting harder inside him until he felt his ass clenching around his cock and gradually stopped by having an idea.

Kyungsoo grumbled under his breath, but had no time to complain when Baekhyun lifted him off his lap and commanded, "Turn around for me," leaving him no choice but obey.

Kyungsoo leaned on his hands and knees, getting on all fours for Baekhyun while he felt his hand caress his ass, and his cock throb even more between his legs in an almost unbearable desire to come. Kyungsoo let out a low groan and nearly fell into bed when Baekhyun's started fingering him, also eating him out with his hot, delicious tongue.

Baekhyun simply loved eating him out and never failed to give him much pleasure, making his legs shake and his cock wet the bed sheets. Baekhyun switched between fingers and tongue, kissing and biting Kyungsoo's ass cheeks, leaving red marks on his skin.

Kyungsoo simply couldn't contain his moans, jerking himself while Baekhyun fucked him harder with his fingers and tongue and begging for a release, which he only succeeded when Baekhyun stopped eating him out and slipped his cock inside him again, fucking him hard.

The sound of their bodies colliding reverberated around the room and the smell of sex intoxicated Kyungsoo's senses, who only knew how to moan and move against Baekhyun's cock, basically fucking himself onto it. Baekhyun leaned over Kyungsoo's back, stroking his cock while lifting his body, pulling him to stick their bodies, his own chest stuck to his back, seeking his lips for a clumsy kiss, almost prevented by the gasps and moans.

Kyungsoo came when Baekhyun put more strength into the thrusts, sucking his neck without stopping mastubating him. He felt even more satisfied when Baekhyun came too, filling him with his cum and moaning so loud and  _ so hot _ it made him shiver.

They soon collapsed into bed, panting and still connected, until Baekhyun lazily retreated and fell beside Kyungsoo, breathless from the physical exertion he had just made.

They usually burst out laughing as soon as they finished, euphoric and extremely ecstatic about the wonderful sex, but that particular day, Baekhyun just pulled Kyungsoo's waist with one arm and cuddled him close, wanting to feel his body close as they recovered their breaths for other rounds.

Kyungsoo found his attitude strange, but did not complain at all as he looked up, facing Baekhyun and smiling contentedly, before kissing him tenderly at the corner of his lips and entwining their legs in that half embrace.

They said nothing for those few minutes, their eyes seemed to say it was all right, they didn't need to talk about all the mess they were feeling in each other's presence, preferring to focus on how their lips fit together and how their bodies reacted, pleading for more.

Baekhyun simply forgot what he was going to say when Kyungsoo kissed him and propped his legs on his shoulders, starting to fuck him and making him moan louder than he ever had in a lifetime.

He often forgot his name when he was with Kyungsoo, and it was all right, there was nothing wrong with that.

X

"It's everything wrong, Baekhyun," Minseok scolded him, frowning. “You have to learn to suture without making the patient look like Chucky.”

"I'm sorry, hyung," Baekhyun apologized, suddenly feeling bad for the carelessness. "I wasn't paying proper attention." 

Minseok raised an eyebrow, then undid his serious expression.

"It's okay, Baek," he reassured his friend. "Lucky for you it's not a real patient." He gestured to the "guinea pig" they used: a piece of old cloth. "Did something happen?"

"Um, not really," he lied, wrinkling his nose in a way Minseok instantly knew he was lying. "Why?"

Minseok rolled his eyes, pulling a chair next to Baekhyun and briefly dropping his position as mentor to take the friend one.

"Because you're distracted today," Minseok answered carefully. “And you never get distracted at work," he explained. "And don't lie to me, I know when you lie, Kyungsoo told me."

"He told you  _ what?" _ Baekhyun asked in near despair.

“The way you lie…” Minseok said a little scared. “Are you sure it's everything okay? You look a little out of orbit these days.”

Baekhyun sighed, dropping the accessories he was using and placing his fingers in his closed eyes, apparently tired.

"If I say no, will you judge me?"

"Of course not, Baekhyun!" Minseok was startled. “Why would I do that?"

"Because I'm not okay for a very stupid reason that I shouldn't even be telling you," Baekhyun admitted, finally looking at his friend. “Kyungsoo and I had sex…”

"I know," Minseok said in an obvious tone. "Where's the news?"

"We had sex and I think I'm kind of... I don't know," he broke off, wondering what to say. "Involved?"

"That's obvious, buddy," Minseok didn't relieve. "And I think the right word would be  _ in love." _

"In love?” Baekhyun almost jumped, really scared. “Don't joke, hyung, he's my  _ best friend.” _

“And?”

_ “And _ I don't want to lose him over a fucking crush," he replied angrily, clenching the fabric he had previously sewn between his fingers. "Kyungsoo hates commitment, if I say I like him, our friendship goes to waste."

"How are you so sure about that?" Minseok questioned quietly. “You don't know how he feels about it, and you can't guess it's going to go wrong,” he tried to appease. "I thought it was clear that you like him, and that he likes you too."

"That's what you think," Baekhyun grunted. "Kyungsoo and I never talk about relationship, we are best friends, and we decided to fuck without compromise at some point in our lives that I don't even remember," he admitted. “The fact is, he doesn't see me that way and I know because if he  _ did _ see me, we'd be on another level a long time ago.”

"That says a lot," Minseok said wryly. “You've been liking him for a really long time and never said anything, always expecting him to take action. And what changes now? What made you so uncomfortable?”

"These insinuations!" Baekhyun exclaimed. "These goddamn insinuations about our nonexistent relationship and the way he handles it: completely ignoring it, as if it's easy when it's super hard for me."

“And why is it hard? Because you want to be more than a friend?" Minseok asked. "You like him, Baekhyun, and it's so obvious that he likes you too, but you're too stupid to take action on that," he blurted out. “Since I know you, you guys have this friendship with benefits thing, but it's funny because I've never seen either of you getting involved with other people, and not even willing to do it."

Baekhyun was surprised by his words.

"I think it's pure stupidity that you ignore what you feel for fear of whatever, you two are practically dating, what the hell would change if you guys already behave like a passionate and unbearably happy couple?" Minseok asked. "I can't understand."

“But…” the words died in Baekhyun's mouth as he watched his mentor  _ and _ friend get up and straighten his coat.

"Well, I gave my opinion, but it's up to you to decide what to do," Minseok clarified, offering him a smile. “Now I need to go… If you need help call me, and finish this suture.”

"...Okay," Baekhyun replied, seeing his superior leave the room and feeling a weight fall on his back.

He wasn't wrong. 

But that didn't mean he was completely right, or at least that's what Baekhyun was trying to convince himself as he got dressed to go out, looking in the mirror with a closed expression.

He ran his fingers through the strands of his black hair with some anger, anger at his own thoughts and feelings that he had long since promised to bury once and for all because of the implicit agreement he had with Kyungsoo not to get involved more than necessary.

Unfortunately, Baekhyun could no longer contain himself, letting out a long breath after thinking about that problem over and over, wondering about Kyungsoo's possible reactions when he found out that his best friend had been in love with him since  _ forever _ and hadn't told him for fear of spoiling the friendship they had, although it was supposedly already ruined for sleeping together and behaving like non-friends.

Baekhyun's head was almost exploding as he set up scenarios and more scenarios in his head about what would happen the moment he decided to open his mouth, but he needed to find his friends, who were waiting for him for Minseok's birthday celebration in his brand new apartment. After finishing dressing and straightening his hair, he grabbed his wallet, keys, and the gift he bought, calling for an Uber as he went down the stairs and headed for the building's lobby.

He talked to the doorman for a while, until his cell phone vibrated in his pocket, forcing him to interrupt the conversation about the upcoming neighborhood meeting and mistakenly answer without looking at the display.

“Hello?” He said in automatic.

_ "Where are you?"  _ Kyungsoo's deep voice reverberated in his ears, striking him directly and disconcerting him.  _ "You're late." _

"I thought you didn't mind that," Baekhyun grunted in response. "And hi to you too."

"I _ don't mind,"  _ Kyungsoo replied with a giggle. _ "But the boys do, and you're very late, is that a new habit of yours?" _

"Is ten minutes too much for you?" He asked curiously. "And it's definitely not my habit, I'm not Do Kyungsoo."

_ “Ha ha ha ha ha...” _ Kyungsoo fake laughed.  _ “Very funny.” _

Baekhyun sighed.

“Tell the boys not to worry, I didn't die or had an accident, I just wasted a little time and Uber hasn't arrived yet…” he clarified. “I know  _ you _ were worried, but I'm fine… really. I'm getting there soon.”

_ "Humpf... who said I was?"  _ the voice sounded defiant. _ "Try to bring a good drink, otherwise Minseok won't forgive you this time, getting toilet paper as a gift is pretty frustrating." _

Baekhyun burst out laughing, remembering the last time Minseok had moved.

"Relax, I'm taking a good gift and I'm going to the market to buy the drink the master ordered," he said mockingly. "I'm not nineteen to be playing with him anymore, he's already an old man."

_ "Let him hear you say that..." _ Kyungsoo laughed, poking fun at their relationship.  _ “I have to hang up now, Hyun. We're waiting for you, okay? Don't take so long.” _

"I'll see what I do with my private jet," he joked. "See you, Soo."

_ “See you,”  _ he said softly before hanging up.

Baekhyun sighed before shoving his cell phone back in his pocket and wondering again whether to follow Minseok's advice and declare his feelings, or leave everything as it was.

It was a hard decision to make, but deep down, he knew exactly what he wanted to do, and it was clearer when he arrived at his friend's new apartment, bumping into Kyungsoo the moment he rang the bell and was greeted with a huge and beautiful smile.

It was undeniable how attractive Kyungsoo was to him: the yellowish skin with moles all over his body — especially his neck and back — the well-cut black hair, the rosy and fleshy lips he loved kissing, his nose proportional to his face, the large eyes that seemed to know too much, and the thick eyebrows made the perfection he was in Baekhyun's vision.

Not to mention his body that he could spend countless hours appreciating, only Kyungsoo knew how much he loved every little detail, from the small shoulders and hips to the thick thighs and big ass that barely fit his hands, and every detail of his body that Baekhyun loved to kneel to appreciate properly.

Kyungsoo was simply the guy Baekhyun had been in love with so long that he could barely think of other people because his thoughts were occupied by his friend, both emotionally and sexually.

Baekhyun barely had time to blink before Kyungsoo tugged him down the hem of his shirt and kissed him with a need he didn't even understand, letting out a long breath as he felt his own tongue contact his. Baekhyun moaned softly between the kiss by the tight grip on his ass and promptly pulled his friend closer.

As soon as Baekhyun began to get more excited, Kyungsoo stepped away, pecking his lips in the process and smiling fondly as if he had not just aroused him with a kiss.

"Hi," he said.

“Hi,” Baekhyun answered, his voice a little hoarse. "That was…  _ wow." _

Kyungsoo chuckled, reaching for Baekhyun's hand and intertwining their fingers.

"I missed kissing you," he admitted.

“It has been only five days since we last saw each other,” Baekhyun replied.

“Still…” Kyungsoo shrugged. “I wanted to kiss you, so I did.”

Baekhyun couldn't say anything, because soon his best friend was already pulling him into the living room, where his other friends were waiting. All eyes darted to both of them when they appeared, not surprised by the swollen lips that totally gave away what they were doing a few minutes earlier.

Baekhyun avoided Minseok's judgmental gaze and looked at the only stranger in the room: a handsome guy with a very well made perm and a charming smile, who was practically glued to Jongdae.

He didn't even have to ask anything, Jongdae clarified that Junmyeon was his new friend — although Baekhyun found that closeness a little bit odd — and he was majoring in physiotherapy just like him, ending his speech by saying that he hoped everyone would treat him well, which Baekhyun only answered with a slightly confused "okay" before settling on the couch.

Junmyeon looked like one of those Hollywood stars: handsome, smart and cool, a complete package. He was an outgoing guy full of bad jokes on the tip of his tongue, which made him ironically funny and easy to like, ending any bad mood that might come along and justifying Jongdae's more than interested looks on him.

They talked, ate and drank for hours, until Chanyeol — already a little drunk — suggested a little game to liven up the makeshift party, which eventually split opinions.

"We're too old to play Truth or Dare, Chanyeol," Baekhyun grunted, seated on the floor with his back against the couch.

"You are never too old to play Truth or Dare," Chanyeol snapped. "You're just boring."

"I also think it's kind of weird to play that," Jongdae said, wrinkling his nose slightly.

"I think it's fun," Junmyeon said, to everyone's surprise. “We have nothing to lose anyway…”

“Thinking this way, it's true,” Jongdae quickly changed his mind.

Baekhyun mumbled some cursing under his breath.

“Three against one,” Chanyeol announced.

“What do you think, hyung?” Baekhyun asked Minseok, almost begging him to say no.

“Whatever,” he answered before taking a sip of his beer.

“And you, Soo?" Chanyeol asked just to confirm the imminent victory.

Kyungsoo just shrugged, not really caring if they were going to play Truth or Dare or any other game, already feeling a little dizzy from the drink.

"So that's it, let's make a circle," Chanyeol basically ordered, clapping his hands like a child.

With small mumbles, they all settled in as ordered and waited for Chanyeol to sit down and empty the beer bottle at once, wiping his mouth with his shirt sleeve and setting the bottle on the floor to spin.

"I'll start," Chanyeol stated unnecessarily, already spinning the bottle.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, watching the bottle stop at Jongdae and letting out a small sigh of relief, as if he was afraid of being questioned or dared to do something he might regret later.

“Truth or Dare?”

“Truth,” Jongdae answered nonchalantly.

"Is it true that you and Junmyeon are going out?" Chanyeol asked directly, too cheerful to be afraid of being inconvenient.

Jongdae rubbed his nape nervously, looking at Junmyeon as if asking permission to say something, receiving a soft smile from the other, who didn't even know why he was worried.

“Yes…” Jongdae answered. "I mean, kind of… yes."

Chanyeol laughed and Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, not surprised by what he had suspected from the start.

"We're getting to know each other," Junmyeon tried to help, placing a hand on Jongdae's shoulder and squeezing affectionately. "It's been fun."

Everyone laughed and let it go, to Jongdae's delight, who was already starting to spin the bottle in order to divert attention from them.

The bottle stopped at Minseok and the question had something to do with his love life, which Baekhyun didn't pay attention to for being distracted by Kyungsoo's gaze locked on him.

They were sitting facing each other, and since the game began, Baekhyun had been trying to avoid looking at his best friend to not risk kissing him right there, since he was a little drunk and more willing to get horny easily.

Baekhyun did his best to ignore him, but there Kyungsoo was: staring at him as if he wanted to eat him for dessert and crazy for the party to be over at once so he could take him home. Kyungsoo discreetly licked his lower lip and pressed his hands to his knees, trying to contain himself too in that silent game.

They kept staring at each other until they heard a loud sound, catching their attention.

"It's your turn, Kyungsoo," Minseok said, his eyebrow slightly furrowed. "Truth or Dare?"

“Truth,” Kyungsoo answered without much thought, a little confounded.

“Is it true you already knew Junmyeon? If so, from where?” Minseok asked directly, oblivious to his friend's brief discomfort.

"It's true," he said with a small smile. “I met him the same day as Jongdae, to be exact. He paid me a drink and seemed interested, but I wasn't in the mood so Jongdae went to talk to him and now here we are.”

“Really?!” Baekhyun asked in surprise.

"Yes," Junmyeon replied with a laugh. “And then Jongdae told me he had a boyfriend and was out of the picture… But, you know what? I'm glad for that, because if it wasn't for that detail I wouldn't have met Dae.”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. "Boyfriend?"

“Yeah,” Junmyeon frowned in confusion. "Aren't  _ you  _ his boyfriend?"

Suddenly everyone fell silent.

Baekhyun, petrified for being taken aback, didn't even know what to say, looking at each of his friends for help, lingering his gaze on Kyungsoo, who seemed as shocked as he was by Junmyeon words.

However, the silence was broken by Kyungsoo's dry laugh, who soon tried to dismiss that possibility.

"Baekhyun is not my boyfriend," he said, in a tone of obviousness that Junmyeon didn't expect. "He's  _ just _ my best friend."

Baekhyun held his breath for a brief moment, feeling uncomfortable with the small heart palpitations he was starting to feel, strangely aware of his own feelings.

Kyungsoo said nothing but the truth, but why did hear that hurt so much?

Baekhyun ended up laughing bitterly, sounding fake in his friends' ears, who looked at him with some pity, as if they knew exactly what he was feeling, even though he had never spoken about his feelings for Kyungsoo to anyone but Minseok.

"We're just friends, Myeonie," Baekhyun confirmed, lifting his beer bottle. "Friends with benefits."

Junmyeon let out an awkward laugh while Jongdae squeezed his waist, trying to give him some security.

"Oh yes..." he replied discouraged. “So that's why I got confused. Sorry, guys."

"Relax," Baekhyun said, rising to his feet. "I'll get some beers, do you guys want something from the kitchen?"

They all denied it in apparent discomfort.

Baekhyun stumbled into Minseok's kitchen, a little numb from recent events. He wasn't exactly hurt, since he knew the nature of his relationship with Kyungsoo: they were friends before anything else, and the conversation of a possible relationship had never surfaced for him to be surprised by his friend's direct denial. He was, perhaps, a little disappointed. Or very.

Alright, maybe he was  _ very  _ disappointed not only with Kyungsoo, but also with himself for never having insisted on talking about what was going on between them, since they talked about absolutely everything: since Baekhyun's fascinating and traumatic experiences as a devoted nurse in graduation, to the craziest conspiracy theories about the curious case of Kyungsoo's hair growing alarmingly fast.

It turns out that Baekhyun was too overwhelmed that night to want to deal with that feeling thing, deciding to drink several bottles of beer to the point of getting really drunk and throwing up in Minseok's toilet, debuting the bathroom of his new house and then being taken to sleep in the guest room.

Baekhyun really didn't want to deal with anything that night, and that was the first time in a long time that he and Kyungsoo didn't sleep together.

  
  



	2. Reading between the lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, i'm back!  
i don't think i have anything important to say, so i will just let you read for now...(?).  
just reminding that this work is un-betad.  
enjoy ♡

Watching a row of newborns properly laid in their respective incubators, Baekhyun smiled in awe and made notes on his clipboard.

It was a normal Wednesday in the maternity ward in which he was doing his internship: much work to do, rush, hysterical mothers about to go into labor, fathers without knowing much about what to do besides panicking with their wives, babies crying and all that collective despair that almost made Baekhyun want to cry too. 

That was why he liked to stay in the newborns' room, even though sometimes they cried out from hunger or some pain, they were much calmer than their own parents and cuddier too, making Baekhyun love every little baby. 

And not only was he fond of it, Chanyeol was also one of the first to volunteer to watch the babies who had just come into the world — even with some complication — preferring this task far more than watching births, that often left him in a state of pitiful hysteria.

They were watching and jotting down every detail they considered relevant on their respective clipboards in a comfortable but unusual silence for them, who used to talk too much on any occasion — however inappropriate.

Baekhyun had been avoiding serious conversations with his friends for weeks, and so far, he was doing well to avoid them, changing the subject whenever they tried to talk about more personal things and pretending to be fine, to not show how bad he was feeling in those last days.

Baekhyun was slightly startled when he felt a hand land on his shoulder, but quickly recovered himself when he realized it was just Chanyeol, with the usual smile gracing his face.

"Is everything alright, Byun?" Chanyeol asked in a kind voice. "You're quiet today."

_ And the other days too. _

"Yes," Baekhyun replied without diverting attention from the asleep baby, checking his breathing. "And you? Still running from the inevitable?"

"Well, I'm good too, thank you for asking," he mocked. "And I'm not _ running _, they just said it would be better if I stay here during these days."

"Hm," was all he answered.

They fell silent again.

"Seriously, Baek…" Chanyeol spoke again not long after. "You're acting so weird lately, it's been two weeks since the last time we hang out and we used to do that a lot. What happened?”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, pressing the tip of his pen onto the clipboard with some anger.

_ "Nothing _ happened, Chanyeol," he muttered roughly. "Or rather, it happened, but I think you know it and just want me to say to make sure it was that and _ then _ make a pity speech. I'm fine, okay? I just don't want to talk about it now."

Chanyeol cringed at Baekhyun's harsh words, not understanding his friend's sudden explosion because he usually was a very kind, peaceful person.

"Are you sure, Hyun?" he insisted a bit more, feeling useless when he realized that his friend wasn't in his best state, and agonizing because he couldn't give him any comfort. "You know you can count on me, I'm not trying to put you against the wall or make you feel bad, I just want to help, really."

Baekhyun sighed, realizing that he had been too rude and regretting it right away, but he still didn't want to open up about it, at least not yet.

"I know that, Chan," he finally answered. "Everything's going to be alright, I just... I need some time alone to sort out all this internal confusion. Don't worry."

"Okay," Chanyeol surrendered, smiling weakly and slowly walking away from his friend.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun called before he left the room. "Thanks for worrying and sorry for the way I treated you just now, it wasn't my intention."

Chanyeol just nodded, with a smile that couldn't reach his eyes, and left him alone.

Baekhyun, on the other hand, stood there, doing his job on automatic and wondering what the hell he was doing.

He had never spent so much time without talking to his best friend, and it had been two weeks since the last time they had a real, non-monosyllabic conversation and without weirdness hanging around both of them. Since the party at Minseok's house, the two hadn't spoken properly, the meetings to see each other for no particular reason and weekly lunches had been forgotten, replaced by short, cold messages from Baekhyun.

Of course, Kyungsoo probably didn't understand that change of treatment, but he wasn't stupid not to notice that something was wrong and he never stopped asking if Baekhyun had a problem he didn't want to tell him.

But how would Baekhyun say that his problem was Kyungsoo himself? That he couldn't take that friendship with benefits anymore because that wasn't really benefiting him, but filling him with useless hopes that one day Kyungsoo would see him as more than a best friend? That he was no longer happy and satisfied with all this? That he wanted to finish anything they had because he was just getting more hurt?

Baekhyun didn't want to hurt his best friend, didn't want to ruin their beautiful friendship because Kyungsoo always gave him support in the good times and always comforted him in the bad times. So Baekhyun was choosing to be quiet now, until he decided how to tell Kyungsoo that it was better for them to stop getting romantically or sexually involved.

Sometimes Baekhyun wondered how he let it happen. He and Kyungsoo were just friends who studied together and spent much of their free time talking nonsense or making unimportant stupid theories when they first kissed. And what was supposed to be just a moment thing driven by the curiosity to taste each other's lips, lasted so long that it was now virtually impossible to imagine a reality in which he didn't _ love _ Kyungsoo.

He wasn't even the first boy Baekhyun involved himself with nor the only one, but Kyungsoo was that kind of person who, no matter how many years passed, would stay in his memory for a long time, because he simply impregnated his skin and mind, so there wasn't a day in which Baekhyun didn't die of want to see him, only to kiss him and feel all those overwhelming sensations once again.

Sighing and checking the time on his wristwatch, Baekhyun realized his workday was over, looking at the babies one last time and hurrying out of the room, so he wouldn't risk finding someone he knew because he wasn't in the mood to have a trivial and unimportant talk at that time.

In recent days, when his work was done, he would immediately rush to his shared apartment, where he lived with a musician who lived and breathed music. Yixing was a colleague he had met in singing lessons he took to gain workload in the first semester. At the time, Baekhyun was still living with his older brother, who had just had a child that he took care as his own.

They immediately became close, Yixing's quietness always soothed Baekhyun when he was on a nervous wreck from college and the life of unpaid babysitter; and his weird sense of humor and creativity to create new melodies and have big dreams always made Baekhyun feel happy and inspired.

Zhang Yixing moved from China to Korea just to study music at a good university, and was living in a pretty shit place around. The idea of living together simply came up, and it seemed so bright that the two of them didn't hesitate to join their savings and bags into an apartment near where they studied, and they have lived together ever since.

Although they were not _ best friends _ and often Baekhyun felt he didn't know Yixing as much as he would like — because they lived under the same roof — they still got along very well and knew how to respect each other's space, and they even watched a movie or ate some snacks together every Wednesday for good coexistence.

By the time Baekhyun was barely talking to his friends, Yixing had become his lifeboat: he clung to him whenever the tide got too high, and his friend patiently listened to all his sorrows, even without even knowing who the hell was 'so-and-so' whom Baekhyun talked so much about.

At the moment, they were sitting in front of TV, each with a slice of pizza in hand, while Baekhyun talked about his day and Yixing listened while watching the musical that was playing.

"Mamma Mia 2 is bad," Yixing grumbled, interrupting Baekhyun's monologue about his conversation with Chanyeol. "And you were really rude, you must apologize."

"I thought the movie was reasonable when I watched it," Baekhyun replied, staring at the screen and singing Mamma Mia along with the protagonist. "But it must be because I like Abba." He shrugged. "And yes, I know I was an asshole… the problem is, I'm being an asshole with everyone."

"Because of Kyungho?" Yixing asked, devouring the pizza and making a face because it was a little bit cold. "You need to talk to him, man."

"It's _ Kyungsoo, _" Baekhyun corrected with a soft laugh. "And I know I need to, but I don't feel mentally prepared for this yet."

"I don't feel mentally prepared for many things, Baek," Yixing said, looking at his flatmate. "But if there's one thing I've learned it's that is no use avoiding the inevitable… and you really should talk to him, I bet you'll feel better."

"Do you really think?" Baekhyun asked unsurely, not so willing to take that advice seriously, even though it was quite valid. 

"Yes, I think," Yixing replied with a shrug, shifting his focus to the Television. "And I also think we should change the movie." 

Baekhyun laughed, rolling his eyes comically. "Of course."

X

Over the week following Baekhyun's conversation with Yixing, he found that his flatmate was definitely right. He even tried to avoid the inevitable like the coward he was, but all his attempts went to waste when his friends _ literally _ put him up against the wall to finally face his problem — which had a well-decorated name, surname, and address in his memory.

After Chanyeol, Minseok was the next to urge him to open up, not giving him the opportunity to lie or pretend it was nothing, because Minseok was the only one who really _ knew _how he felt about Kyungsoo, in details. Soon after, Jongdae also sought him out, and then, the three came together to give him moral support — and intimidate him.

In the end, everyone knew what was going on in Baekhyun's mind, it was so obvious that it was funny and he didn't even know why he was still trying to hide it. Kyungsoo was apparently the only person who had no idea why Baekhyun was barely talking to him, but knowing the future designer well, it was hardly surprising.

The truth was that Baekhyun was being very dramatic and he knew it well, wanting Kyungsoo to simply _ guess _, in his imaginary crystal ball, that Baekhyun was upset just because he had told the truth in a stupid game and apparently didn't reciprocate his romantic feelings.

With that thought in mind, Baekhyun laughed dryly, watching his friends stare at him like he was going crazy, _ more than he already was. _

They were at Minseok's new house, after they had dragged Baekhyun there against his will, in a kind of interrogation and convention of the world's most stinky college students, who were sitting in a circle around Baekhyun, as if they were about to do a bizarre cult.

"Okay, that's weird," Baekhyun finally said. "Why exactly did you bring me here? Haven't we already talked about what we had to talk?"

Minseok rolled his eyes, his arms tightly folded.

"Because we'll go out together, soon," he answered. "And we wanted to make sure you weren't going to run away."

Baekhyun snorted, lifting his head to the ceiling in exasperation.

“I _ wasn't _ going to run away," he growled. "If you told the place and time I would show up."

"Tell me another bullshit, Byun," Jongdae got in the middle of the conversation. "Last weeks you only dismissed us, who guarantees that today would be different?"

Baekhyun just grumbled something and fixed his gaze on Junmyeon — who seemed to be the only one as uncomfortable as himself, as if he didn't want to be part of that idiocy —, quickly looking away when he saw him shifting uncomfortably.

"And what are we waiting for?" Baekhyun insisted. "A sign that we should go or what?"

Chanyeol just rubbed the back of his neck, visibly bothered.

"Definitely a sign," Jongdae muttered, receiving a poke in the rib from Minseok as the house bell began to ring. "Look the sign there."

Minseok finally got up, gesturing for the others to get up too because they were about to leave.

Everyone headed for the entrance, and it was not such a surprise when Minseok opened the door and came face to face with Kyungsoo. In fact, the surprise was only for Baekhyun who, even knowing deep down that his friends were planning something of this nature, wasn't mentally prepared to deal with the man yet, at least not after three weeks without seeing him…_ He doubted that he would be prepared even after a hundred years. _

Kyungsoo widened his eyes comically and parted his lips, then grinned so happily, so happily, that Baekhyun felt a painful twinge in his chest.

Normally, Kyungsoo would throw himself into Baekhyun's arms and receive a bear hug, as was normal to happen between them, but since nothing was normal between them, Kyungsoo merely waved his hand shyly and received a clumsy smile from Baekhyun.

They didn't have time to feel bad about being distant, because their friends soon pushed them to the exit of the building, where they would catch an Uber to go to a party of one of Junmyeon popular friends, who miraculously invited them for the first time in many years.

They talked about anything, laughed, and spent time together inside the Uber — as they used to do before that whole mess — until they reached their destination.

From there, Baekhyun did his best to avoid Kyungsoo, clinging to Minseok's neck as if he were his mother and following him to every place he went.

Kyungsoo wasn't the most perceptive person in the world, in fact, many people considered him slow to understand things the way they really were, but still, the way Baekhyun was obviously avoiding him, he could see that something was wrong between them and the fact that his best friend was barely looking at his face only worried him more.

And it was with this worry clutching his chest that Kyungsoo found himself following Baekhyun everywhere, either with his legs or simply with his eyes, never losing sight of him in the hope of finding a way to confront him when they got alone, which took a while to happen.

Only when Minseok walked away to get a drink and Baekhyun came up the stairs looking for a bathroom that Kyungsoo find the seemingly perfect opportunity to talk to his friend, quietly following him until they were in the same random room of that fraternity, which had what Baekhyun was looking for.

When Baekhyun entered, Kyungsoo closed the door behind them, watching his friend hurriedly go to the bathroom to relieve his bladder and sitting on the bed for those few minutes, hoping that his best friend was sober enough to have a conversation, even knowing that this was definitely not the best time to talk.

But what could he do? It had been a few weeks he was being ignored and he couldn't stand this indifference anymore. Kyungsoo was always very chill, but when it came to Baekhyun, he was always a little desperate, impulsive, and that even he couldn't fully understand.

Kyungsoo sighed and stomped his feet impatiently on the floor, jumping when he looked ahead and saw Baekhyun standing there, drying his hands on his pants and looking as confused as himself... 

Suddenly he didn't know what to do.

He had followed Baekhyun like a damn stalker all night, and he didn't even know what to say, how to act in front of him now that they were face to face. _ So stupid, _ Kyungsoo thought, adjusting his posture so he could face his friend directly and having multiple sensations that ranged from missing Baekhyun to being angry for his distance, though _ perhaps _ it was his own fault. 

Kyungsoo watched Baekhyun open and close his mouth as if he had no idea how to start a conversation with him, _ his best friend, _ feeling his chest tighten at the thought that they had reached that point he feared so much: acting like real strangers, despite all the years spent together.

With a miserable laugh, Kyungsoo broke the silence.

"Hi Hyun..." he said carefully, as if savoring every letter of that affectionate nickname, and trying to think of something coherent to say. “I was waiting for you…"

Clearly surprised, Baekhyun just blinked and shook his head slowly, unsure if he was too drunk and consequently seeing things, or if Kyungsoo was _ really _ right there.

"Hi…" Baekhyun ended up answering. "What do you want?"

It might have sounded a little rude, but Baekhyun wasn't in his perfect state to care, just leaning one shoulder against the wall as if he needed support to stay upright.

"I…" Kyungsoo swallowed, suddenly hesitant. "I just wanted to talk, it's been a long time since we last talked... just the two of us."

Baekhyun let out a wry laugh, pulling back from where he was and slowly striding to the bed, making no ceremony to basically throw himself there, lying down and feeling a little too dizzy.

"Yeah, it's been a while..." he said without emotion, closing his eyes to avoid the light. “A few weeks, maybe? I didn't even notice."

It was obviously a lie because, in fact, he had counted the days since the last time they exchanged more than meaningless words.

"Hm," Kyungsoo answered in a low tone, wincing like a kicked dog and hugging his own body. "I thought you might have missed me too."

Baekhyun instantly opened his eyes, surprised by the words so full of hurt and sadness. Baekhyun knew Kyungsoo so well that just hearing his voice, he could imagine what kind of expression his best friend was making, and at that moment, Baekhyun was sure that he was making a pitiful face, judging by the way his naturally small shoulders were looking even smaller in the dim light of the room and in Baekhyun's almost closed lashes.

Kyungsoo looked so desolate at that angle that Baekhyun was surprised when suddenly his friend let out a breath and relaxed his body to lie beside him. Baekhyun immediately looked up at the ceiling, avoiding to look at the man he was in love with — who wouldn’t let him forget for a mere second how much he wanted to touch him.

Kyungsoo just smiled weakly, staring at the ceiling as well.

"Do you remember the last frat party we went to? Half a year ago?" Kyungsoo broke the silence. “We sneak in because we weren't part of it and we weren't even invited, but still, we drank and had a really great time."

Baekhyun just nodded, remembering how happy they were on the dance floor until a boy accidentally spilled a drink on his shirt.

"Some idiot stained your shirt with beer and I offered to help you." Kyungsoo let out an almost malicious laugh. "We ended up fucking in the bathroom… remember?"

"Yes," Baekhyun answered softly, his breath sounding weakly.

"We always did that... when we noticed we were already kissing and undressing each other," Kyungsoo said in acknowledgment. “I always loved that about us, this complicity that never seemed to end.”

"Hm, I know what you _ love," _ Baekhyun grunted in response, looking at Kyungsoo and giving him an extremely mischievous smile as he lightly nudged his waist.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, smiling too and returning the nudget with a light pat on Baekhyun's arm.

"As I was saying…" he resumed the speech. “I think maybe you're a little too drunk to have this kind of conversation, but I wanted to say that I miss you, I miss my best friend," Kyungsoo said, staring at Baekhyun. "Even if it hasn't been that long since we last met, I miss you a lot."

Baekhyun nodded, absolving those words and wanting to forget why he was not talking to his best friend, to forget that he was pathetically in love with him… And it was with that wish in mind that Byun didn't even notice Kyungsoo approach, or rather pretended not to notice until his best friend was on top of him, both arms resting on the sides of his head and a serious expression on his face.

Somewhere away from his mind, a voice said that he shouldn’t be carried away by the heat of the moment, that he should go home and talk to Kyungsoo when he was ready, and totally sober, but he managed to successfully ignore it when he looked at his friend, thinking how much he wanted to kiss him again.

By the time he realized it, Baekhyun already had both arms wrapped around Kyungsoo's shoulders, pulling him closer and closer as he closed his own eyes. He wanted to be kissed, and he let out a moan of relief when their lips finally came together in an initially soft kiss that soon became passionate.

Baekhyun couldn't hide how much he missed him the moment Kyungsoo put his tongue in his mouth and made him moan in satisfaction. His whole body reacted to him, his hands tangled in his not too long hair, his legs involuntarily opened to accommodate him better, and his hips began to move against his at a frantic pace.

At some point in that kiss, Kyungsoo hands seeped into Baekhyun’s shirt, squeezing his waist and scratching lightly, making him panting when Kyungsoo left his mouth to kiss down his neck, still moving frantically between his legs at the same time Baekhyun squeezed his ass to encourage him to continue.

Kyungsoo touched him with so much devotion that Baekhyun's heart seemed about to explode in his chest and the desire consumed his entire body, feeling hot and dying to give himself to him once more, even if it meant more to himself than it would ever mean to him.

They were more than used to that kind of contact, which almost never ended in just making out, always too intense to stop, and it was just remembering that detail that Baekhyun came to himself, at the same time Kyungsoo stepped back to look at him, with eyes fully enveloped and clouded with desire, showing how much he wanted him.

Aware of this, Baekhyun held his breath for a few seconds and let it out hard, finding the courage to put both hands on Kyungsoo's chest and push him lightly, in a message he was quick to understand even though he was incredulous.

Kyungsoo got off Baekhyun almost immediately, too desolate, watching his best friend sit on the bed and straighten his rumpled shirt by their touches. They fell silent for a few seconds, which in itself was embarrassing, but it seemed worse by the fact that they were best friends who looked like a couple in crisis.

Chanyeol used to say that they really resembled an unbearably in love couple, who couldn’t stand more than few days without talking, kissing and fucking each other like crazy. Kyungsoo firmly denied every time he said that, but deep down he knew it was true, because if there was one thing Kyungsoo couldn't remember it was once, since they began to get involved, that Baekhyun had rejected him.

Just the thought of Baekhyun rejecting him was painful and inconceivable, something Kyungsoo never considered before knowing that his best friend was as attracted to him as he was for him, but then… why? Why were they acting so weird, so… coldly? Why did Baekhyun seem to want him so much but was still dismissing him?

"I can't do it anymore," Baekhyun said, breaking the silence that fell between them. "We can't stay like this anymore, Kyungsoo." 

Kyungsoo stared at him, expecting more explanations that certainly didn't come, at least not as quickly as his mouth asking _ why,_ which Baekhyun was quick to answer.

"Because we are best friends and I know we thought nothing could ruin our friendship…" Baekhyun said with weak laugh. "But there's something that can and you know what it is. I can't afford to lose my best friend just because of it, but I don't want to keep doing whatever we are doing now, I _ can't." _

At that moment, Baekhyun looked more sober than ever.

"I know you probably won't say anything because you never notice anything until someone makes it explicit in your face, but... you know what I mean," Baekhyun stated, straightening his legs so he could get out of the bed. "I'm sorry for avoiding you these weeks, but I needed some time to think about what I really wanted, and what I want now is to stop all this so we can be just friends again, as we have always been since the beginning…" Baekhyun said in a little squeaky voice, taking a deep breath before turning to Kyungsoo and looking him straight in the eye. "Don't you agree it's better this way?"

Kyungsoo could find no voice to agree or outline any verbal reaction, just swallowing hard at Baekhyun's sudden sobriety and feeling a slight pain in his chest, tightening it and making his breathing a little heavier just imagining a reality he couldn't touch, kiss or even be around Baekhyun more intimately than he was proposing.

Baekhyun seemed to have understood his reaction as a "yes" because he just smiled painfully and got up from the bed, avoiding his gaze and looking for his cell phone so he could call someone to take him home, this person most likely being Minseok.

Kyungsoo couldn't say anything when Baekhyun said a cold goodbye, leaving the bedroom as quickly as possible.

And as much as he tried later, in the darkness of his own room, to understand why he couldn't say a word, he would find no answer but silence and anguish taking over his body.

In the end, Kyungsoo knew he should have said something, he just didn't know how to admit the feelings he tended to suppress and to convince himself that weren't real, but that unfortunately were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you soon :)


	3. I know you love me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys ❤️  
i'm back with the last chapter of this story and i'm kinda nervous(?) because i love this fanfic, but i feel insecure about its ending, i don't know if y'all gonna like it, but i really hope you do.  
as i said before, this story is very special for me because it was the first time in a long time that i could write and feel "connected" to the characters and stuff, even though i started to write it just because i was listening "hold on" by the internet and had a random idea. btw, i HIGHLY recommend you to listen to this during the reading because it's a very good song to relax and the chapters were named after it.  
anyways, i'm sorry for the long notes, i got nervous.  
hope you enjoy!

Moving his feet non-stopping under the table and licking his lips from time to time, Kyungsoo waited impatiently at the coffee shop near his house, where he had arranged to meet Minseok after his internship.

It was usually Kyungsoo who was late for every appointment he made, but in those last days he was feeling so anxious that when he realized, he was getting ready to leave, putting his wallet, keys, and cell phone in his pocket and walking there in rushed steps.

Sipping some of the coffee he ordered as soon as he arrived, Kyungsoo couldn't contain the thoughts of how Baekhyun would laugh at him if he saw him there so early, miraculously not late, fulfilling his appointment as a responsible person that he certainly never was, or rather, never minded being.

Kyungsoo always thought that the disparity between his and Baekhyun's personality was what made their friendship so interesting and strong, since he never got bored in Baekhyun's company, but he also thought that disparity was what kept him from trying something more, because he didn't think he was good enough to be who Baekhyun wanted _ and _ deserved.

Since adolescence, Kyungsoo knew pretty well how he felt about his best friend and it was in the impulsiveness that their friendship with benefits started, which proved to be a shot in the foot now since Baekhyun was not even talking to him properly and they had neither the friendship nor the benefits.

It had been about a week since Baekhyun said he could no longer do that, and Kyungsoo finally understood what he have done wrong, although he didn't know very well what to do to resolve all the mess that happened between them. Minseok was the only friend he felt comfortable to tell what really happened at that party and was also the only one who didn't seem to judge him _ so much _ for it.

Apparently Jongdae and Chanyeol took “Baekhyun's side” at seeing him all depressed that night and assumed that Kyungsoo had deliberately broken his heart without thinking twice, as expected of someone like him, who couldn't show his emotions so well as he should.

Of course Minseok was not happy with the situation, because both Kyungsoo and Baekhyun used him as emotional support, but he was trying really hard to help Kyungsoo during those days which he looked like an abandoned dog wandering the city, sad and aimless.

Letting out a breath and digging his fingers through the hair that had grown long in those last days, Kyungsoo began to wonder what he should have said at that moment so that he was not in the desperate situation he was in now. Should he have said the classic "I love you, I've always loved you"? Or should he have admitted that he had been in love with him since _ ever _, but didn't have balls enough to face reality and take a serious commitment at least once in his life? Or what? What should he have done?

Would Baekhyun believe it? Would he be thrilled? Would he kiss him until they lose their breaths? Would he ask to stay with him forever? Or would he reject him, since Kyungsoo didn't even know _ exactly _how he felt and was just assuming the best to not have his heart broken? Honestly, either option terrified him, because it was much easier for Kyungsoo not to speak and simply to act on his wishes.

_ He was so dumb! _A dry laugh came from his throat as he realized, just stopping when he felt his cell phone vibrate in his back pocket, drawing his attention to the phone. He had three messages and two missed calls from Minseok, plus some group messages that he was part of and didn't even care to read most of the time. He considered returning the call, but preferred to see the messages first.

**[4/24, 4:19 PM] minseok-hyung: **hey kyungsoo… I know we were going to meet today

**[4/24, 4:20 PM] minseok-hyung: **but something happened here at the hospital and I won't be able to go :(

**[4/24, 4:21 PM] minseok-hyung: **but how I am so amazing, I asked someone to go in my place. wait there, he is already coming. have a good time (✿◠‿◠)

Kyungsoo frowned, trying to think of someone that Minseok would possibly send to keep him company. He quickly dismissed Jongdae, his friend was a little distant because of what happened between him and Baekhyun — after telling him to fix that as soon as possible — and Chanyeol was the same way. Lacking the two most plausible options, all that was left was Baekhyun, which made him instantly nervous.

Kyungsoo immediately shook his head, finding the idea a little too absurd, but still having a thread of hope, after all… he would give anything to see Baekhyun in front of him, even if they talked about nothing in particular.

In those days, he was missing Baekhyun so much that just to remember all the little things they used to do together was painful. Kyungsoo missed their conversations and their feet brushing under the table more than anything, more than the malicious kisses and compliments he made at his ear — which he also missed quite a bit.

Kyungsoo was in such a depressing situation that even he felt like patting his own back and then his face, sighing in frustration every twenty seconds and restarting the cycle of self-pity, even if he wasn't exactly pitiful.

And it was precisely during one of those sighs that Kim Junmyeon appeared, patting his desk lightly with his fists clenched and smiling a small but gentle and beautiful smile, like absolutely everything about him. Sometimes Kyungsoo didn't think he was real because he was so perfect... and just to think that Junmyeon was interested in him before getting in a relationship with Jongdae made him want to laugh nervously.

Junmyeon frowned and cleared his throat as he realized that Kyungsoo wasn't exactly paying attention, asking in his naturally kind voice if he could occupy the chair in front of him.

"Sure!" Kyungsoo found himself answering, even standing up to greet him, feeling embarrassed that he wasn't in his best state. "You can sit there, I was waiting for you."

_ Not exactly, but education always came first. _

"Oh really?" Junmyeon replied with a relieved smile, sitting down as soon as Kyungsoo returned to his seat. “Minseok asked me for this last-minute favor and I didn't know if I had warned you in time... I was leaving college when he called me, it was a surprise."

Kyungsoo laughed genuinely, imagining the momentary confusion he must be felt by such a sudden request.

"Good or bad surprise?" he asked with a trace of laughter in his voice. "I hope it was good."

"Hmmm..." Junmyeon scratched his chin lightly, pretending to think. "I think neither good nor bad, just different."

Kyungsoo smiled, amused by that answer.

"Very well," he said softly. "Are you going to eat something? I've had coffee, but I'm thinking of ordering a slice of cake."

Junmyeon nodded, picking up the menu for a look and analyzing his options briefly.

"I think a cappuccino with strawberry cake looks good," Junmyeon said at last, seeing Kyungsoo promptly call a waiter to order.

After that, the two fell silent.

Kim Junmyeon was no longer a complete stranger in his life, since he practically dated one of his closest friends, but he wasn't what Kyungsoo would classify as a friend, with who he could vent and talk about feelings without fear of being judged. At the most, Junmyeon could be classified as a colleague, although his little group had practically adopted the guy with huge smiles and open arms, because… who would deny that man anything? Judging by his looks, Kyungsoo fully understood why Jongdae had been so quick to want to be with him, even though that didn't necessarily mean he was a trustworthy person.

He thought about it as he stared at a spot on Junmyeon forehead, free from his hair, as he involuntarily interrupted his reverie with a fit of dry cough that most resembled an old dog cough. Just thinking about it, Kyungsoo started to laugh, saying "bless you" while offering a tissue so he could cough, which he immediately accepted.

When Junmyeon small access passed, they commented on Seoul's horrible weather, the dust and masks that had to be provided, and the possible cold Junmyeon was having even with his effort not to get sick, falling silent after agreeing that they should both take better care of their health.

Kyungsoo thought the conversation would die there again, that they would only talk when the request came and they were forced to communicate, but he was surprised when Junmyeon let out a sigh and leaned both elbows on the table, resting his face on a hand and then talking.

"You know... when Minseok asked me to come see you in his place, my first reflex was to say no because I knew you weren't going to talk much, since we're basically strangers and I kind of fell parachuted into your group of friends,” Junmyeon stated, looking him straight in the eyes with a half smile on his lips. "But I changed my mind as soon as I remembered that Jongdae and Chanyeol aren't talking to you, and neither is _ he... _ because I thought you might be feeling depressed and lonely enough to want to talk to me, that I'm not so close to you. So… here I am, willing to listen to what you want to say with 100% assurance that I won't judge, at least not verbally."

Junmyeon laughed, a laugh Kyungsoo felt like wanting to follow, even though he was a little surprised by his honesty, so raw and real, just as he liked it.

"Well, whether you choose to say it or not, I'm all ears anyway," he said, taking his elbows off the table just as the waiter brought the orders and leaning his back on the chair again.

Kyungsoo pondered for the very few minutes between the waiter's departure and Junmyeon momentary agitation to eat, reluctantly deciding that it was okay to talk a little of what was on his mind to someone other than Minseok or the almost deserted timeline of his secret twitter, taking a deep breath before starting.

"As you may have heard from Jongdae, Baekhyun kind of broke up with me," Kyungsoo started, digging his fork into his slice of chocolate cake and rolling his eyes quickly, as if he didn't care much about what he was saying, even though his legs were shaking anxiously under the table. “I mean, you can't finish what you didn't even start, we never dated, but still... it's kind of a breakup, right? He said he no longer wants to be with me like that," he whispered softly.

Junmyeon muttered "go on" as he chewed, earning Kyungsoo an ugly look for speaking with his full mouth, which he decided to ignore.

"Since then, he's not talking to me and our friends are also giving me a silence treatment for assuming that I dumped him, and that's not quite what happened..." Kyungsoo explained indignantly, trying to keep his voice low. "What bothers me most is not this, but the fact that he said he didn't want anything to ruin our friendship, and yet it seems pretty ruined to me, since I don't even remember the last time we _ really _ talked..."

Kyungsoo sighed heavily.

"The problem is that I'm not sure what I want, Baekhyun is my best friend, but I don't know if that's all, I got used to having him always there, available for when we wanted to kiss or, I don't know, have sex without commitment? But deep down I know this isn't healthy for a friendship like ours and I always had the impression that nothing could separate us, but there is something that can, and yet I wanted to keep doing it, understand?”

Junmyeon agreed, eating a piece of cake and looking at Kyungsoo with an understanding expression.

"The thing is… I just don't know what to do, I miss Baekhyun, but I don't know _ what to do _ to have everything as it was before back," Kyungsoo admitted in agony. "I wish someone could tell me how."

After that, Kyungsoo kept looking at Junmyeon and waiting for him to say something after finishing eating, which took a little while, but not long enough for Kyungsoo to become impatient. Junmyeon wiped his mouth with a tissue and settled himself on the table in an exemplary manner of being willing to listen and give advice, even if the future designer was unlikely to follow any of them.

"So..." Junmyeon began. "Do you want me to be honest or say what you want to hear?"

Kyungsoo frowned, feeling a little annoyed by the question.

"I want you to be honest, of course," he said almost rudely, folding his arms across his chest and watching Junmyeon nod.

"Well, since you insist..." Junmyeon said almost monotonously, just to throw a bomb in Kyungsoo's face soon after. “You were really a son of a bitch.”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth slightly, a little shocked.

“I won't lie to you, when Jongdae told me your story with Baekhyun, I thought you two were going crazy because no one in their right mind agrees on a friendship with benefits when you have romantic feelings for that person," Junmyeon admitted. "I don't know if you're conscious about your own feelings, but I am sorry to tell you that it's stamped on your face that you're in love with Baekhyun and it was very stupid of you to think that he would stay happy with this situation forever, because what you guys had was just a friendship with benefits that could end at any moment without any resentment."

Junmyeon paused to take a sip of water the waiter had placed on the table with the orders.

"So... I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it's clear you're the one who did the wrong thing when you should have said something. The key to a good relationship, whatever it is, is dialogue, and apparently you and Baekhyun did everything but talk about it," Junmyeon said with a wry smile. "I'm sorry, Kyungsoo, but if you want everything to go back to the way it was before, it won't happen. You guys are too involved, so… either you get into a romantic relationship or remain friends _ without _ such benefits."

Hearing this, Kyungsoo blinked countless times and lowered his head, as if in deep shock. Even if he wanted to object and his mouth opened to retort something rude, Junmyeon was clear as water and he was wrong in absolutely nothing he said.

It was quite true that Kyungsoo avoid the conversation when Baekhyun seemed to want to make everything clear, but he never thought that this escape would create the barrier they had today, a barrier that almost collapsed upon him the moment Baekhyun decided to put an end to the thing they had for so long, since he was not prepared to let his best friend be just that: a best friend, with no more intimate touches than usual, no kisses, no calls in the middle of the night... none of those intimate things that friends should definitely not do for the sake of their friendship.

It took a guy, who he didn't even consider close enough to call him friend, to tell him the things he didn't want to hear and finally realize: either he did his best to remain just Baekhyun's best friend or risked everything trying to be a boyfriend who'd never, in a thousand years, he imagined himself to be — simply by his selfishness and the belief that he would be a bad boyfriend for Baekhyun, ignoring his possible feelings.

It took Kyungsoo a few minutes to get out of those deep thoughts about his fate with Baekhyun, without coming up with any conclusive ideas, just giving way to more depressing thoughts. When he finally decided to call the waiter to pay the bill and leave, Junmyeon offered him an apologetic smile and slid a slip of paper under his plate, getting up after paying his share of the bill.

"Well, it was a pleasure to spend time with you," Junmyeon said, almost embarrassed, perhaps remembering the way he was brutally honest and harsh with words, but sounding truly sincere in that farewell. "I hope we'll see each other soon, and I hope everything will be resolved, Kyungsoo. Jongdae is worried about you. _ We _ are worried about _ you. _ Just remember that this is not an ultimate situation, you can fix it, I know you can."

Kyungsoo nodded, offering a weak smile toward Junmyeon — with no energy to truly smile — but appreciating the words and the fact that Junmyeon already considered himself part of the group, which he might have to start considering as well, since he had been brutally honest with him, which normally only Minseok had the courage and permission to be — Baekhyun had too, but he was too kind to actually speak without fear of hurting him or being punched in exchange.

Junmyeon waved goodbye to him and left the cafe, while Kyungsoo decided to stretch his legs under the table before getting up, remembering to pull out the slip of paper under the plate and read immediately.

It was a kind of business card from a physiotherapy office that Junmyeon was part of, with the contact number and a catchphrase about needing to relax, just below making it clear that they were not a team of masseurs, which Kyungsoo found laughable and well done.

Soon after, he checked his cell phone and saw a new message from an unknown number that soon caught his eye, making him smile at the content:

**[4/24, 5:46 PM] 0XX 022 X05:** my number, save it

**[4/24, 5:47 PM] 0XX 022 X05:** as it is written on the card, we are not masseurs, but we offer a free first consultation and I think you need to fix your slumped back, in a moment you will look the same the hunchback of notre dame with so many worries…

**[4/24, 5:49 PM] 0XX 022 X05:** anyway, I hope we can be friends someday, huh? sorry about anything and

**[4/24, 5:50 PM] 0XX 022 X05:** that's it! until another day.

By the end of the day, Kyungsoo had three assurances: Minseok was a real workaholic, Junmyeon was really different from the image he had created as Handsome & Serious Man and he… well, he was an idiot who deserved all the melancholy he was feeling in those last days, and he had no idea how to resolve his situation with Baekhyun.

But at least he could see things more clearly than before.

Kim Junmyeon deserved full credit for his instant lucidity.

X

  
  


And then the days passed, with no special event to affect Do Kyungsoo's exciting life, which consisted of days filled with hours of sleep, distraction with his editing programs, and hanging out with friends — the later a little too strange for his taste, who still felt the sensation of being slightly ignored.

When he tried to look on the bright side, he recognized that at least his friends were trying to act normal and get him back into things, even though Baekhyun's constant presence caused him some sadness and discomfort.

Admitting to himself that he loved Baekhyun more than he would like to think was easy compared to the task of actually doing something about it. He knew the options he had, and was more confused than ever to decide which would be better.

Either way, the only assurance he had was that he didn't want, and maybe wouldn't even know, to live a life without Baekhyun included, they had known each other for so long… they had been friends and lovers since before the first hair was born on Kyungsoo's face. They were more than any label could describe.

However, Baekhyun seemed to forget this during their time apart. Even if he had said that it was better to stop all of this to be friends again, talking was a lot easier than actually doing something, and strangeness inevitably washed over them when they were around.

They could no longer talk without resentment, always saying hurtful words, even when it had nothing to do with the initial subject. They tried to act normally, but they couldn't even get close without being anxious and uncomfortable, especially since the habit of constantly touching each other was no longer welcome.

Kyungsoo was tired of missing Baekhyun even seeing him almost every day, tired of feigning indifference when his words hit him harder than he wanted to, tired of insisting on the friendship that had apparently been ruined for a long time. They weren't just friends, they could never be, and with that his decision was unconsciously made.

At the moment, everyone was gathered at Junmyeon's house, which looked more like a palace because of the size and sophistication of the place. Junmyeon, in addition to being a physiotherapy scholar with his own clinic — in partnership with some colleagues — was also the son of a couple of very well-known doctors in Korea, and he wasn't short of money and opportunity.

However, even though he was really rich, Junmyeon was nowhere near the rich kids who attended the same university as all of them, he was a humble, kind, and always willing to help — and lend his house to their meetings — guy.

In those recent times, Kyungsoo got closer to Junmyeon. They exchanged messages almost every day with silly memes, funny videos, or simply conversations that never got anywhere. It was clear that Junmyeon was making all the effort to get closer because things were still awkward between the group of friends, and even though Jongdae and Chanyeol were no longer upset, there always seemed to be an elephant in the middle of the room when the six friends were together.

Although he liked to think he was a mature adult, Kyungsoo was aware that at the age of twenty-three, he wasn't mature enough to handle certain things, just as Baekhyun wasn't, and that was because they clearly had unresolved matters. Even though he wanted to pretend he didn't care about all this, it was obvious that the whole situation was becoming stifling and he felt it wouldn't be long before someone exploded, also having the impression that it would be himself.

On the giant television, a random movie from the 90s was playing while they talked more than really paid attention. Baekhyun kept whispering in Minseok's ear as Kyungsoo found himself in the midst of Junmyeon and his boyfriend, occasionally laughing at some Jongdae's extra antics, which combined with Chanyeol's screams and made everything chaotic.

At one point, the popcorn they ate was over, and Kyungsoo had almost been ordered to do more — that is, to put the blessed packet in the microwave, tediously watching it spin for three minutes. Kyungsoo didn't object to the realization that he was beginning to be left aside between Junmyeon and Jongdae, getting up suddenly and ignoring the grateful glances he received for his gesture.

He headed for Junmyeon's huge kitchen, like everything in that house. Kyungsoo often wondered if there was any Manual on How to Decorate Your Home if You're Rich, because besides the Kim's house being mostly made of glass, it had so much space that it was possible to get lost and only be found a week later. It was certainly rich people things.

Kyungsoo shook his head slightly as he opened the tallest kitchen cabinets and began to search for the blessed popcorn packets that Junmyeon had said were there, tiptoeing to get what he wanted and groping blindly. He managed to get two packets before closing the cabinet with some anger, as it was unnecessarily tall and probably even Junmyeon wouldn't be able to reach it without tiptoeing.

When he turned around, he was startled by Baekhyun's presence there, who was sitting on one of the stools with his chin on one hand, looking at him with some curiosity.

They hadn't been alone for a long time, and for that reason Kyungsoo was suddenly nervous and hung his head, too embarrassed to face his supposedly friend. Kyungsoo cleared his throat softly as he headed for the microwave, sort of breaking the silence that he initially didn't know how to break and having Baekhyun's full attention on him, who apparently expected him to say something.

Kyungsoo didn't understand.

Baekhyun was doing a terrible job of trying to be just his friend again because whenever he spoke a word to him, he sounded rude or resentful, looked at him with hurt in his eyes and, when he wasn't in the mood to speak or even look at him, simply pretended he didn't exist.

Kyungsoo understood that Baekhyun was hurt and that he had every right to act the way he was acting, because certain feelings were hard to overcome, but he didn't understand why Baekhyun needed to be so confusing and never decide if he really wanted him around or not, and he was tired of all the coldness that was lasting for almost three weeks.

In the following week would be Baekhyun's birthday, and just remembering that he had planned and thought so many things to surprise him, and that now they barely looked at each other because of all this confusion, was pitiful.

Kyungsoo ended up laughing lowly, a little bit bitterly, as he stuffed the package into the microwave and pushed the buttons he thought were right, as the whole appliance was too complicated — and expensive — for him to understand, but understandable enough. Baekhyun was still standing in the same position and Kyungsoo could feel his eyes on him, but he wasn't brave enough to face him back and ask _ what the hell did he want. _

However, Kyungsoo eventually asked, after a minute just watching the microwave turn, if Baekhyun needed anything.

The question was so low that if Baekhyun hadn't been aware of Kyungsoo, he wouldn't have understand. Baekhyun shifted almost uncomfortably on the stool he was sitting on and changed his position, placing his hands on his lap and interlacing his fingers.

"No," he answered. "Junmyeon just sent me here to help you, but you've done most of the work." He chuckled. 

Kyungsoo just raised his eyebrows, unsure of what to say, wondering if he needed to answer something and deciding it was better not to, letting the silence fall again.

Baekhyun, for the most part, was a very calm guy who was always careful with his words, but when he was nervous, he ended up talking nonstop and apparently this was one of those moments when he started talking about how his life was going.

Baekhyun told him how his internship was already ending, how Chanyeol was almost able to watch a birth until the end, how Yixing — his roommate that Kyungsoo knew only by sight — was about to close a deal with a record label, about how things were going so well in those last weeks.

In the midst of this Kyungsoo merely made sounds of agreement here and there, and struggled to look him in the eye as he spoke, still making the popcorns. The fact that Baekhyun was sharing things and talking about his life after a while without doing so was certainly odd, but it was as good as Kyungsoo remembered, smiling slightly at Baekhyun's words.

It wasn't as if, with a simple conversation, things were back to normal, but it was nice not to feel that elephant between them, and for those few minutes everything seemed to be fine.

"...and then, this is definitely the worst season of GoT, according to _ me.” _Baekhyun finished his monologue about how the last season of Game of Thrones has being pretty shit, which Kyungsoo fully agreed since he decided to forget that there were other episodes besides the two first ones.

He had finished making popcorn by now, but Kyungsoo didn't want to interrupt the casual conversation — so rare in those days — and it took him a while to pick up the bowls and put it all in.

"Good thing I decided not to do your birthday with that theme then," Kyungsoo said after a few seconds in silence, wondering what to answer. "It would be a fucking waste."

Baekhyun's eyes widened comically.

"Would you do about GoT? And Harry Potter? Did you finally get sick of it?" he fired the questions.

Kyungsoo let out a faint laugh, finishing putting the popcorn in the bowls and pushing Baekhyun to help him take that to the living room.

"Well... the birthday boy already said he was sick of it, and since I'm a nice person, I decided to follow his wishes," he said with some pride. "Although... I don't know what else to do, since Game of Thrones is not a option anymore and..."

_ We're not exactly in the best moment of our friendship, _ he thought.

Baekhyun seemed to notice his hesitancy, slowly letting the big, carefree smile be replaced by a forced one, even though the thought of Kyungsoo organizing another birthday party for him made him incredibly happy and grateful. Despite those very few minutes in which they could talk normally, the reality was harsh: they could never have that same relationship as before, simply because it was unhealthy and aroused the worst feelings within it.

Baekhyun didn't usually consider himself an insecure guy, but when it came to Kyungsoo, he was never sure of himself, and in those days he was feeling that if he spent too much time in his company, he would eventually let his guard down and make the same mistakes that almost ruined that bond of friendship they had.

His attempt to engage in conversation and act normally had worked this time, but would it always work? Wouldn't he be suddenly uncomfortable and sad to remember everything? He couldn't say for sure, but he could tell that they needed to have a serious conversation about _ them _, not when they were half drunk or angry: they needed to have a sober, judgmental-free conversation.

Kyungsoo looked a little bit tense with his lower lip clamped between his teeth, visibly afraid of saying something wrong, but Baekhyun felt like laughing, a bland, knowing laugh that they were far from being the mature adults they _ thought _ they were.

They needed to talk.

_ "We _ can think about this later," Baekhyun answered. "We have a few days left and I'm pretty sure the guys won't mind if the theme is Harry Potter over and over _ again." _

Kyungsoo let out a laugh of relief, nodding and finally picking up the popcorn to take to the living room with Baekhyun's help.

They certainly hadn't resolved themselves, since they hadn't even talked about what happened yet, but Kyungsoo felt they had made progress as soon as they arrived in the living room and were greeted with glances and mischievous jokes about what they were doing, which Baekhyun didn't even bother to retort, just smiling — a little forced, but still smiling.

Kyungsoo sat away from Junmyeon this time — because he seemed about to get up and take Jongdae into his bedroom —, sitting next to Chanyeol, who chose another movie they would pretend to watch, while Minseok shot him furtive glances and Baekhyun sat next to him.

Everything was fine for now.

At least for that afternoon.

X

Everything got better during the week before Baekhyun's birthday. Suddenly, things seemed to get back on track between Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, who made great progress in going over what was bothering and simply ignoring the elephant between them.

Minseok — along with Junmyeon — said that this was sheer stupidity and couldn't understand their difficulty of being honest with each other, because they were best friends and confidants, who were supposed to prioritize dialogue above all else. But it wasn't as if they didn't want to talk, the problem was that none of them really had the courage to talk about it.

Nowadays their relationship reminded Kyungsoo of when they were still in school, when they spent too much time talking about anything and ignoring their studies, before making things complicated with the first kiss exchanged, that neither he nor Baekhyun could remember well _ how _ and _ who _ started it.

It had been a long time since then, and inside him, Kyungsoo knew it was the time to clarify everything: his insecurities, his fears, and especially his feelings so deep in his chest, that he could only let out when Baekhyun showed he wanted him more than anything, kissing him and driving him crazy with touches that, even in his best experiences with other guys, he couldn't overcome.

Lately, they were more comfortable talking, trying to be civilized, stepping over pride to restore that friendship that was so precious to both of them, but they were also sweeping the dust under the carpet, pretending they had no pending matters to deal with when, just by looking at each other, it was possible to feel all that tension.

And it was with this in mind that, on the day before Baekhyun's birthday, Kyungsoo decided to put an end to that story once and for all and resolve what was unresolved. He was probably making an unwise decision when he typed and retyped the same message in Baekhyun's chat a thousand times, clicking "send" on an impulse he had, his eyes closed and his breath held, but he couldn't regret it more than he was already regretting, comforting himself with that thought.

Kyungsoo stared at the message he sent for long minutes until he saw that Baekhyun had read it and was typing an answer that, by the way, seemed to be a long one — judging the minutes it appeared "writing…" —, only to be disappointed when he received only an "ok" emoji, almost sliding across the couch and falling flat on his face.

From that moment on, he texted the time they were supposed to meet and got up to take a shower and get something to eat. Kyungsoo took a long time in the shower while singing the best songs from his spotify and getting ready to be as fragrant as possible, even wondering if he should clean himself up just in case the conversation was so good that it would turn into something else. He spent a few minutes thinking if he was being overly optimistic and full of himself, but he eventually decided that it wouldn't hurt if he cleaned up just to be sure, although he was a little embarrassed by his sudden decision.

He finished his shower after long 40 minutes and put comfortable clothes he was used to wear at home, all the while putting in his head that this wasn't _ a date _ for him to be all excited and expectant like that, even feeling a little stupid for thinking that everything would go back to normal just because he decided to take the first step.

However, even if he scolded himself inside, the more he thought about his candid conversation with Baekhyun, the more hopeful he was, because despite being stubborn, Kyungsoo wasn't _ that _ dumb and deep down he knew his best friend felt something for him too, even though it might not be the same as his own feelings.

While warming up some water to eat his high sodium-containing ramen — that Baekhyun always warned that it was bad for his health because it was industrial crap —, Kyungsoo decided to try to forget a little about how Baekhyun would react when he said what he had to say and began humming some random music, just to fill his mind with things other than _ Baekhyun and Baekhyun. _

When he finally finished heating the water and put it in the container, he went to the living room, turning Netflix on and putting it on some random tv show. He managed to focus his attention on the show, but as soon as he became really interested, someone knocked on his door.

Assuming it was Baekhyun, he practically jumped off the couch to get to his feet, dropped that crap on the coffee table, and let the tv show streaming as he hurried to the door, which he didn't hesitate to open with all his excitement, with a big smile on his lips that closed almost immediately as he realized that the person at his door was definitely not Baekhyun.

"Good evening, delivery to Do Kyungsoo," the delivery man found a voice to say after a few seconds deciding if he should open his mouth or not by judging the scowl on the homeowner's face.

"On a Sunday night?" Kyungsoo questioned with an arched eyebrow.

"Yes, we had some problems during the week and practically all the staff are covering overtime, sorry for the inconvenience," the boy explained with some fear, wondering if Kyungsoo couldn't simply sign that paper shit so he could leave.

Kyungsoo still looked at the box a little suspiciously, trying to remember what he had ordered in recent times and, when nothing came to mind, shrugging at the thought that it could be some of his manga collection.

"Okay, do you have a pen?" He asked quietly, taking the clipboard with pen and paper, leaning it against the wall so that he could sign the delivery document.

It didn't take a minute to return the delivery man's belongings, receiving that blessed box in return and dismissing him to leave.

Ready to head back home with his head down, Kyungsoo sighed, set the box on the floor and kicked the door with one foot, getting surprised with the leg that prevented it from closing, belonging to none other than Byun Baekhyun.

"Hi Kyungsoo, sorry to arrive like this," Baekhyun spoke, quickly entering Kyungsoo's apartment. "You were about to close the door on my face."

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

"You're late," he said, realizing the irony in that speech, since he used to hear that phrase from Baekhyun _ a lot. _

"I know, I'm sorry," Baekhyun replied, looking at his watch. "And I'm not that late, it's early."

Kyungsoo shrugged, walking over to the couch and sitting as Baekhyun took off and fastened his thin coat behind the door. Kyungsoo turned his attention to the television, continuing to watch the TV show and picking up his "dinner" on the coffee table, trying not to care about Baekhyun's presence, who sat unceremoniously beside him, even though he was relatively far.

"So… what did you want to talk about?" Baekhyun got to the point, grimacing as he saw Kyungsoo pausing the task of bringing the noodles to his mouth and looking at him with a funny expression of surprise.

Kyungsoo decided to keep eating before answering it, feeling nervous now that he remembered the reason for the visit. He took a while to chew and swallow it, trying to gain time to put it off, and he heard Junmyeon's imaginary voice saying that this wasn't a mature attitude — as he aspired to have someday.

"What did I want to talk about?" Kyungsoo repeated as soon as he could, looking at Baekhyun with an expression he wished it would seem determined, even though he felt his heart begin to beat faster just by imagining the content of the conversation. "You know what I want to talk about..." he mumbled like an idiot. "I want to talk about... us?"

Baekhyun frowned, not quite sure if Kyungsoo was stating or asking.

"Is that a question?" he asked confused.

"No!" Kyungsoo was quick to respond, putting his ramen on the coffee table and hurrying to explain, his hands shaking and everything, in a way Baekhyun found cute but unusual for him. "I want to talk about us," he said with conviction. "It's just, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm nervous, very nervous, and I promised to be honest, so I'm trying here."

Baekhyun just nodded, swallowing hard at the way Kyungsoo approached without realizing it, making him more anxious than he had been since receiving his message, wondering if it was finally time to sort out all that was pending for many years.

"Fine," Baekhyun said, to assure that he would hear everything he had to say. "Let's talk."

Kyungsoo nodded several times, taking the TV control and abruptly stopping the show. They were silent for a few seconds, looking at each other strangely but not entirely uncomfortably.

"Alright... who starts?" Baekhyun asked, fiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck and looking away to his feet briefly.

Kyungsoo laughed nervously.

"I don't know, but I know we shouldn't start as if we were going to play Truth or Dare," he joked, watching Baekhyun chuckle and nod. "I can talk first if you want."

"Yeah," was the only answer.

Kyungsoo straightened, sitting in front of Baekhyun as if they were actually playing Truth or Dare, watching him do the same after a few seconds.

"Well..." he began, licking his lower lip nervously. "I think I should start by talking about when we met, do you remember? In the 10th grade, when you moved from Bucheon to Seoul and didn't know a lot of people at school…" he remembered with a nostalgic smile. "From the first moment, I decided I wanted to be close to you, even though I didn't know you, which wasn't that difficult since you were alone and I was willing to help you."

"I always invited you to study at my house, in an attempt to get closer to you, but you, with those ridiculous glasses and all supposed seriousness, always refused me at first." He laughed at the memory. "You only accepted when you finally seemed to realize that I wasn't a killer who would kill you in cold blood and hide your body so no one could ever find, and I was so happy, so glad I didn't even know why."

"I think from the beginning, I admired you. And the admiration only grew by seeing how smart and dedicated you were… even if we talked more than we studied those afternoons spent at my house," Kyungsoo admitted with a laugh. "I liked to hear you talk about _ Star Wars _ or _ Lord of the Rings _ or anything you were obsessed with at the time, I liked to hear your voice singing songs with melodies I had never heard before and I liked to imagine myself kissing you."

He took a deep breath, as if taking courage to continue that speech that, until that moment, was making them feel nostalgic.

"Over time, the admiration became desire and I was so eager at that time that when I realized we were making out often… You didn't push me away or treat me badly, you let me kiss you. Even when you say that wasn't your first kiss, I always like to remember it was mine, my first first kiss with the boy I liked," Kyungsoo muttered shyly.

"I found out a lot of things those afternoons... I kissed you, you kissed me, we touched and discovered things from each other's bodies, always giving confidence and freedom to experience whatever we wanted behind the locked door." He laughed as he remembered that sometimes his mother found it all strange, but never said anything. "You were the first boy that I allowed to touch me more intimately, and I loved every moment, even if we were both inexperienced at seventeen and you said you had done that before."

"I _ loved _ you, Baekhyun, I always have loved you, and I think I still do," Kyungsoo admitted with a smile, caught up in his memories, even though the words seemed hard to say at that moment. "I always liked you more than a friend and I think I got used to the idea of having you without having to say anything for fear you don't feel the same…"

Kyungsoo didn't dare to look at Baekhyun after that revelation, staring at his own hands that were twitching in his lap and keeping on before he lost his mind.

"When we entered the same university at nineteen, I was very happy. You got into Nursing, which was always the course of your dreams even though everyone asked "why not Medicine?", And I got to Graphic Design, the course I identified with even though I never really wanted to go to college." He laughed at admitting. "We practically grew up together and the years by your side were the best, the friends we made, the parties we went to, the iced coffees we took, the kisses, the sex we shared, everything, it was just so good because it was with you and I realize that now, after a short but hard time without having you around the way I was used to."

"I know I don't have much right to be saying this now, after all this time, but I realized that if I were always afraid to have this conversation with you, we would never get anywhere and I want to remain your friend, but I also want to be someone _ more _ important to you.” Kyungsoo finished his speech, feeling his throat a little dry from talking and staring expectantly at Baekhyun, watching every possible reaction.

Baekhyun looked a little bit shocked, but not in a bad way, his mouth was open as if every word had surprised him and his eyes were bright with emotion, and Kyungsoo knew him well enough to know that he had understood and taken those words to his heart.

Baekhyun took a moment to regain his surprise, wiping the corners of his eyes quickly, and restraining himself from getting too close to Kyungsoo before admitting that he felt almost the same, as the feeling of love could be the same, but the points of views from both were slightly different. In Baekhyun's view, he was the only one in love, he was the only one who felt like dying just at the thought of Kyungsoo not wanting him anymore if he found out about his feelings. Discovering that he loved him back was also like breathing in fresh air, renewing his energies and making him light and _ so happy _ that he needed to say something to make him equally satisfied, something that sounded a little abrupt in his ears, a sudden, "I love you too."

_ There were so many things _ he could say, so many similar memories he could share to verbalize all his feelings, but he chose only those words that Kyungsoo _ understood: _ they were not just to express the so-called love of friendship, but the intense and pure love of the cliché romance movies that neither of them seemed to like but that deep down dreamed of having someday.

Baekhyun could continue the conversation for hours and talk about all those years he felt the words stuck in his throat, but at that moment when Kyungsoo looked so beautiful with a genuine smile of happiness on his lips and eyes teary with emotion, he could not contain his desire to pull him by the waist and gently sit him on his lap, crazy to kiss that mouth he had always loved.

"Baekhyun…" Kyungsoo said before he could advance, his forehead almost touching his and a firm hand on his chest, holding him in place. "We really need to talk and clarify everything."

"And we will," Baekhyun answered truthfully, looking at him deeply. "We'll talk as many times as we want until we get sick of each other's voices, but now I _ need _you to be quiet so I can kiss you."

Kyungsoo nodded, closing his eyes quickly and feeling a shiver down his spine as Baekhyun advanced, kissing his lips so eagerly that he couldn't stop himself from kissing him with equal desire, opening his mouth and moving his tongue so good he wondered how he could have stood without kissing him all this time. Kyungsoo's hands rested on Baekhyun's shoulders as he settled more comfortably on his lap, feeling his hands tighten on his hips and stand there almost innocently if not for the desperate way they kissed.

Kyungsoo tried not to get too excited and move to something else, but he couldn't fool anyone with his soft moans when Baekhyun's hands quietly came to rest inside his shirt, caressing his skin and scratching lightly as he began to slowly roll over him, almost unconscious.

Of course he wanted to have sex with Baekhyun, he even planned it, but he also knew that they should be talking and settling everything before following that plan, but he couldn't have any reaction other than moaning as his _ friend _ began to kiss his neck, initially giving small pecks and evolving into wet kisses that Baekhyun knew excited him more than anything.

Kyungsoo even tried to resume his coherent thoughts, but they were totally lost at some point between the intense kisses and the eager touches in which tongues met and hands touched each other's bodies desperately, even though they were fully clothed.

"Baekhyun..." Kyungsoo called as Baekhyun stopped kissing his mouth to kiss his collarbone, licking his skin before leaving a particularly strong kiss that made him gasp and pull his hair, forcing him to look into his eyes. "I want you now."

Baekhyun nodded several times, acknowledging that this time would not be the same as the others, feeling his chest fill with such passion as his hands went up Kyungsoo's back under his shirt and squeezed the flesh of his waist tightly, helping him to move on his lap like he loved to do, all panting.

"I want you too," Baekhyun admitted as if it wasn't clear yet. "I really want to feel you again."

Kyungsoo nodded before taking his mouth in another kiss, scratching the back of his neck and leaving him breathless before letting go of him and whispering that they should go to the bedroom, which Baekhyun didn't complain.

The two stood up and walked into the bedroom without letting go of each other's mouths as Kyungsoo tried to unzip Baekhyun's pants, wanting to please him just as Baekhyun wanted to please him too, soon getting what he wanted and wrapping his cock with one hand.

Baekhyun moaned loudly and let Kyungsoo jerk him off as he was thrown on the bed, leaning on his elbows so he could watch how desperate Kyungsoo looked, moving his hand and licking his lips like he was crazy to suck him, making Baekhyun grunt and hold his hand, aiding his movements until he felt enough and stopped everything.

Kyungsoo didn't have time to show confusion, because soon Baekhyun pulled him by the hip and sat him back on his lap — with his pants down half his thighs —, starting to strip him of his shorts as well and grasping his butt, biting his lips when he saw Kyungsoo let out a low moan at the contact.

Baekhyun wasted no time in leaving a trail of kisses on his neck and nibbling on his earlobe, making Kyungsoo shiver with the warm breath close to his ear and the firm hands on his ass, hoping he would go faster and use his fingers to satisfy him right away, but not complaining about that attention, because he loved how Baekhyun seemed to love his body, using his lips to kiss his skin and his beautiful and delicate hands to touch him with stability and dedication, knowing exactly what to do to leave him at his mercy.

They didn't take long at that moment, because they soon kissed and undressed without letting go of each other, and although they tried to take it easy and appreciate that unique moment of reconciliation, it was difficult to go slowly when deep inside, Kyungsoo just wanted to give himself to Baekhyun until he felt nothing but pleasure and the feeling of finally being complete.

Baekhyun gasped as Kyungsoo began to move mercilessly on his cock — only teasing him since there had been no penetration yet — knowing that when they fucked, Kyungsoo's greatest happiness was to see him crumble beneath him with his big eyes attentive to each reaction, puffing up his ego as he saw the mess Baekhyun became when he sat on him, and honestly, Baekhyun liked it because Kyungsoo was so devoted, and so hot that he couldn't help but to think about how lucky son of a bitch he was.

"You love it, don't you, you pervert?" Baekhyun asked breathlessly, laughing nasally when Kyungsoo agreed with a dirty smile, biting his lower lip and closing his eyes as Baekhyun's hand fisted in his hair. "Me too," he admitted shamelessly. "But I also love when you sit on your back because I can see everything… you swallowing me whole."

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow.

"Very romantic, aren't you?" he gasped, feeling Baekhyun's other hand go down his back and squeeze his ass tightly.

"You have no idea," Baekhyun replied with a sly smile, then closed his eyes at the particularly hot movement Kyungsoo gave on his lap. "I'll show you how romantic I am when I'm fucking you, you'll feel my love all the way."

Kyungsoo laughed in irony.

"Oh yeah? Are you sure you can do that?" he asked defiantly.

"Make sure I can," Baekhyun replied, feeling the mood warming even more from the way Kyungsoo nodded and simply stood up, turning his back to him.

"Spread your legs wide," Kyungsoo commanded, looking over his shoulder at the way Baekhyun obeyed without asking anything, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Good boy."

Baekhyun held his breath as Kyungsoo approached and wiggled his ass before sitting comfortably on him, exposing himself all over and giving a smug smile at Baekhyun's ecstatic expression, who wasted no time to take both hands to that piece of paradise, gripping his ass and suppressing the urge to slap it.

Kyungsoo gasped as Baekhyun's finger brushed his ass hole, closing his eyes in pleasure at the pressure and agonizing when he didn't move on. As soon as he turned his face to question him with his gaze, Baekhyun began to trail kisses down his shoulders, stroking his cock with one hand and taking the lube that was thrown on the bed with the other.

Just being touched like that, Kyungsoo felt on the edge of a cliff. Baekhyun knew exactly how to touch him and to have all that attention and care was so good that the moans came naturally from his mouth as he thrust Baekhyun's hand softly, feeling too much pleasure with the wet fingers entering him one by one.

Baekhyun teased Kyungsoo and spoke the dirtiest words he particularly loved, but he sure could feel the love the way he was being touched, with Baekhyun's lips kissing the skin of his neck, his hand masturbating his cock and his fingers caressing his prostate, stimulating him as much as possible, not to mention his groans, that seemed to intensify even more by giving him all that pleasure.

Baekhyun didn't even have to ask if he was enjoying it, the way Kyungsoo said "yes" and asked for more was enough to show that he was doing something right, at least until Kyungsoo lost his temper — so horny he was — and asked him to hurry, which he immediately obeyed.

Baekhyun stroked his own cock quickly and then grasped Kyungsoo's hip, helping him to sit on him and letting out a loud moan when he finally felt his warmth envelop him. Kyungsoo's ass was always so tight and hot that every time they had sex Baekhyun needed to take a deep breath to keep from going, being patient as he waited for him to move.

During that minute, Kyungsoo just moaned softly and moved slightly, reaching for Baekhyun's mouth to exchange an awkward kiss for the position and feeling pleasure with Baekhyun's fingers playing with his erect nipples and his tongue willingly sucking his, following his movements with his hip that moved almost unintentionally.

Kyungsoo broke the kiss and wrapped his arm around Baekhyun's head, starting to ride on his cock when he felt ready, building a slow but intense rhythm by the force with which he moved. Baekhyun buried his face in his neck and began to masturbate him the same intensity he was riding: slow but willing, dragging his hand along his length and paying special attention to his glans.

As Kyungsoo rode him and accelerated gradually, Baekhyun leaned on his elbows and enjoyed the sight of Kyungsoo's outlined back, the sweat-soaked skin he loved to kiss, the dimples of venus that left him with a damn horny and especially the ass that swallowed his cock so well that he always had to make a daring effort not to cum just at the sight, drawing him close just so he could touch it.

Baekhyun clung back to Kyungsoo's back, moaning loudly as he assisted his movements with a few short thrusts, finding him halfway and scratching his hip to discount so much pleasure. And Kyungsoo moaned a lot while as he rode that delicious cock, basking in Baekhyun's compliments in his ear and sucking the fingers he put into his mouth.

Just as Kyungsoo turned to kiss him on the mouth, putting all his effort into his hips, Baekhyun whispered in his ear that he wanted to see him while he came, knowing that he was just as close as he was.

Kyungsoo thought he was going to die of lust from the way Baekhyun gripped his hip firmly, getting out of him and lifting him up as he stood up too, his hair ruffled and a little stuck to his forehead, sweat dripping down his chest and his cock hard between his legs. As horny as he was, Kyungsoo didn't even care if he wanted to fuck while standing — even if he wasn't a fan — but he was surprised when Baekhyun approached to kiss him and throw him on the bed in the process.

They continued to kiss hard as Kyungsoo's legs automatically opened to welcome Baekhyun between them, feeling them being tightly held and wrapped around him. As they drew back to breathe, Kyungsoo looked into Baekhyun's eyes and melted at the way he looked at him: in addition to the obvious desire, the lust they both felt, there was also that glow that Kyungsoo refused to acknowledge before, that left him warm inside and aware that Byun Baekhyun was crazy about him and that his feeling of love was mutual.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Baekhyun asked in a gasping voice, lost in that look that said so many things and feeling that he could finally express those thoughts. "I love how you give yourself to me..." he whispered, running his fingers over Kyungsoo's face. "You're everything I ever wanted."

Hearing those words, Kyungsoo felt his heart beating even faster and couldn't stop his hands from grasping Baekhyun's face, smiling faintly as he brushed his lips over his and got back inside, letting himself be involved by that overwhelming sensation, being taken over by the one he loved without having to worry about being too exposed or too vulnerable, wrapping his hands around Baekhyun's back, scratching him with short nails as he felt his body move in tune with his own.

Baekhyun came in and out hard, trying to keep his eyes open — though it was difficult for the pleasure he felt — just to watch the way Kyungsoo bit his lips and sank his neck into the pillow, moaning loudly and with his eyes almost watery. Baekhyun didn't want to miss any reaction from Kyungsoo, but it seemed impossible as he moved his hip against his, wanting more and more and more. With his hands resting on either side of his lover's face, Baekhyun sped up the thrusts in an attempt to make him come faster, but already feeling that he was close and announcing that he would cum, wanting to get out of Kyungsoo to ejaculate outside and being hindered by his hands firm on his ass, making him cum inside.

Kyungsoo watched in delight the exact moment Baekhyun came, with his pretty pink mouth open in a perfect oh, his sweaty hair practically dripping and making him even sexier, and his eyes closed in pleasure, and he looked so hot that Kyungsoo's cock only got harder between their bodies, just as his ass hole blinked as it was filled with his cum.

Kyungsoo moaned as Baekhyun kissed him and continued to move slightly, clearly sensitive to orgasm, but let out a grunt as he left him, missing being connected. His dissatisfaction didn't last that long, though, because seconds later Baekhyun spread his legs and began to stroke his cock, licking his own lips and looking at him with a mischievous expression.

Just seeing Baekhyun between his legs already made him want to come, but he held on for the better: his mouth slowly wrapping around his cock, first leaving kisses on his glans and caressing his length and then swallowing him whole, the way only he could do.

Kyungsoo simply loved when Baekhyun decided to give him a blowjob, fascinated to see that mouth so small and naturally pink swallow his length, the tongue sucking it as if it was the most delicious thing he tasted and those _ damn eyes, _ that seemed to have fun by seeing him moan and grasp the bed sheet with one hand and a handful of his hair with the other, encouraging him to suck it and make him cum. Baekhyun sucked him languidly, emptying his cheeks and drooling on his cock so well that Kyungsoo couldn't stop moaning, already about to explode.

When Baekhyun drew back a little to keep masturbating him and opening his mouth to receive his lover's semen, saying to cum for him, Kyungsoo lost his mind, closing his eyes involuntarily and feeling his own legs almost close around Baekhyun's head so intense that was his orgasm, claiming his name like a mantra and regrettably missing the scene of him swallowing his cum with satisfaction, licking his lips to not miss a drop.

After that, Baekhyun lay down beside him on the bed, still entranced by the sex he hadn't had in a long time, smiling like an idiot as he closed his eyelids and relived his recent memories, feeling warm and fulfilled. By contrast, Kyungsoo was trying to catch his breath and was already wondering exactly what to say, happy but at the same time worried since they hadn't talked all they needed to talk, wondering what Baekhyun might be thinking.

It took Kyungsoo a few seconds to take courage in approaching Baekhyun, hugging him and practically lying on top of him, watching the way his eyes widened in curiosity and seemed to glow as he grinned and wrapped his arm around his back.

"Is everything okay?" Kyungsoo expressed his concern, his brows slightly furrowed and his lips pouting.

Baekhyun nodded, bringing a finger to his lower lip and poking it to undo his cute pout, which made Kyungsoo smile unconsciously.

"Sure, why wouldn't it be?" Baekhyun asked back, feeling that Kyungsoo was still unconvinced of his true feelings. "And to be honest, I've never been this good."

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow, feigning suspicion.

“Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," Baekhyun replied, tracing imaginary designs on Kyungsoo's back and watching him let out sighs of satisfaction. "It's great to be with the man I love."

"Oh really?" Kyungsoo questioned, shivering at the damn fingers tracing his skin and resting his head on Baekhyun's chest for a few seconds. "I thought you didn't like post-sex declarations."

"And I thought you didn't like me," Baekhyun declared with a muffled laugh, watching Kyungsoo raise his head and stare at him steadily. "But now I know I was wrong."

"Yeah, you really were, just like me…" Kyungsoo said softly, intertwining his legs with Baekhyun's. "I would never sleep with someone I don't like, Baekhyun, and I always liked you a lot."

"Now I know," Baekhyun declared with a smile, caressing Kyungsoo's face with one hand. "And just for the record, the feeling has always been mutual."

Kyungsoo smiled, bending down to leave an innocent kiss on Baekhyun's lips and laughing as he realized how much he seemed to be expecting it, grabbing his waist so he could give him a hotter kiss.

They kissed for long minutes, just tasting each other's mouths as their tongues slowly involved and their hearts beat fast in their chest. They only stopped kissing when Baekhyun pulled Kyungsoo even closer and he ended up sitting on top of him, rolling in his lap in such a good way that, he admitted, was his talent.

With his hands flat on Baekhyun's chest, Kyungsoo bent down to kiss him once more and whisper in his ear something that made him _ harder _ than he was: a happy birthday full of mischief, making him aware that, of gift, he won Kyungsoo, who was willing to take him to the clouds.

  
  


X

  
  


"Finally!" Chanyeol exclaimed as soon as he saw Baekhyun coming in hurried steps. "You're late again, is it becoming a habit now?"

"No," Baekhyun snapped, adjusting his backpack and checking to see if his lab coat was in perfect condition. "I just think it should be forbidden for me to have to study on my birthday."

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, following his friend down the corridor.

"You're lucky to be a paid internship… and almost everyone has to go through that," he said in exasperation. "Do you have any idea what a lie I had to tell for the teacher not piss you off? Get ready because I said you had diarrhea to be late for TWO HOURS.” Chanyeol gave special emphasis by widening his eyes and lifting two fingers. "What the fuck were you doing for two hours?!"

Baekhyun chuckled, looking at Chanyeol with an expression of pure amusement.

"You don't wanna know… you better think I fell into the toilet anyway."

Chanyeol made a disgusted face, wondering what had left his friend so relaxed to be joking like that. For the past few weeks, Baekhyun had been acting like a real idiot, grumpy and more ironic than ever before. The last time he'd seen him like that was a day after a good night of sex, and if he remembered right, now he and Kyungsoo weren't in their best phase of such a non-relationship… Unless he had finally decided to move on and forget the guy… which Chanyeol doubted, but didn't find it impossible either by the way things were _ complicated. _

"You had sex, hadn't you?" the big man asked after a few seconds, unable to contain his curiosity.

Baekhyun just shrugged, trying to contain his smile.

"You fucking bastard! Who did you have sex with?"

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, unwilling to share the recent events, _ yet. _

"It's none of your business," he said shortly, stopping in front of the room where the prenatal lectures were taking place and looking over his shoulder. "Is it here today?"

Chanyeol just nodded, almost dying of curiosity — though he was sure Baekhyun wouldn't say anything about last night — and watching Baekhyun straighten his hair and then immediately put his hand on the doorknob, but before he could open the door, Chanyeol put a hand on his shoulder and smiled, wishing him a happy birthday, the second congratulation of the day.

They entered the room and made their way to the back, quietly watching the teacher giving the day's talk to the pregnant women quite naturally. Baekhyun tried to pay attention to what he was saying, but after five minutes he began to daydream about last night and the incredible morning he had.

He didn't want to leave Kyungsoo to go to the hospital, he wanted to spend all day in his company, even if it was just to watch some bad movies on netflix or make a mess in his kitchen — since both weren't very good at cooking — or put socks on to slip on the floor like kids or just kill time by kissing and talking nonsense.

They had a wonderful night of love and an even better morning, with oral sex in the bath and toast with black coffee at the breakfast. Baekhyun wasted some time talking to Kyungsoo as their feet brushed under the table, and forgot that he needed to go home to change his clothes and meet his internship schedule — almost giving up as he remembered that it was his birthday and that he deserved a treat.

However, Kyungsoo encouraged him to go with wet kisses on his neck and whispers that they would celebrate better later, practically forcing him to accept that sad reality that he would have to stay away from him until night.

Baekhyun let out a frustrated sigh and jumped as Chanyeol's hand landed on his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. The lecture was almost over and he needed to talk to the teacher about his monstrous delay, which kept him alert for the rest of the morning.

The afternoon passed slowly, though, and every minute Baekhyun checked his watch to see the hands move so slowly that he was about to cry. When he was finally dismissed after a cheerful birthday congratulation, he almost ran off to get a cab, hurrying home to take a long shower.

Baekhyun struggled not to take so long to get ready, but nearly ended up being late for his own not-so-surprised birthday party, every second rushing the Uber driver. He could only breathe in peace the moment he checked his watch and realized he was not that late, sighing with relief and pressing the bell of Minseok's apartment, ready to make his best surprise face for the pictures that would be take as soon as they opened the door.

It happened exactly what he thought: as soon as they opened the door, a camera flash went off and confetti was thrown at him, and Baekhyun couldn't contain his laughter at the ridiculous situation recurring on his birthday.

He was happy, truly happy, as he hadn't felt in a long time. Since the things started to go wrong with Kyungsoo everything seemed to have gone bad, but now that they finally got it right, even the dumbest things made him laugh again and he was grateful for the friends he had, although they all seemed to share the same brain cell — _ except _ Junmyeon, who was the only one really smart.

"Happy birthday, Baekhyun!" Minseok was the first to congratulate him, with a huge smile and arms wide to hug him. "May your twenty-four years give you more knowledge... and cleverness."

"Are you calling me dumb, hyung?" Baekhyun pretended to be offended, accepting the hug and laughing with the slight tug of ear he received during the contact.

"No, I'm calling you _ not clever_," Minseok replied as he released him and looked him straight in the eye. "I heard that you and your dear Soo finally made up..." he whispered as if it were a secret. "It's about time, and he told me before you ask how I know."

Baekhyun just nodded, his mouth comically open, before being nearly thrown to the ground with the force that Jongdae jumped on his back.

"Congratulations, Hyun," Jongdae basically shouted, clinging to his back like a tick. "Ready to eat cake and get drunk?"

Baekhyun just laughed, breaking free of that half hug and looking at his friend.

"Eat cake? Yes. Get drunk? Not so much... It's still Monday, man."

"And it's your birthday!" Jongdae answered in a tone of obviousness. "We've prepared all this little party for you, our beautiful Slytherin," he said, taking the cheap copy of his selector hat and putting it on Baekhyun's head.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes mockingly.

"It even seems like you don't recycle the decoration every year," he muttered.

"That's Kyungsoo's fault," he countered, pointing with his thumb back, exactly where Kyungsoo and Junmyeon were just watching that interaction while Chanyeol stole a snack on the table and Yixing — how he ended up there, Baekhyun wondered — looked very lost wrapped in his Hufflepuff cloak. 

"Shut up, Jongdae," Kyungsoo answered with a scolding look. "That was the only thing I could make in time."

"Better than that GoT decoration," Junmyeon gave him moral support, patting Kyungsoo on the back. "Did you see that shit yesterday? I would be ashamed to release such an episode, honestly."

"Yeah... it was all so anticlimactic," Jongdae agreed with his boyfriend, as usual. Sometimes Baekhyun had the impression that if Junmyeon said the water was wet, Jongdae would agree and still act as if it were a super discovery.

"You should be thanking, man," Chanyeol said with his mouth full, not even disguising that he was attacking the food on the table. "Kyungsoo did it all from the heart."

"I know," Baekhyun agreed, smiling at Kyungsoo discretely and wanting to cross the room and fill him with kisses, showing how _ grateful _ he was for that one more gift. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Kyungsoo answered with a wink.

They both smiled, but were soon engaged in totally random conversations right in the middle of the room, drinking non alcoholic drinks and eating appetizers that Minseok had prepared. They joked with each other about their garments reused each year, laughed at any bullshit and had a great time at that makeshift little party.

However, Baekhyun only managed to have a moment with Kyungsoo — his almost boyfriend — when he went to pick the candles to light and sing the happy birthday, following him with the excuse that he needed to use the toilet.

The truth was that they had agreed to tell their friends that they were together only when they were more comfortable and ready to deal with the endless chatter it would bring about, since even before they officially dated, the guys wouldn't shut up about their relationship. The only ones who knew were Minseok and _ Junmyeon _ — who simply figured it out before Kyungsoo tell.

However, from the moment he walked through Minseok's door, the only thing Baekhyun wanted was to stay close to Kyungsoo, holding his hand, kissing him, and using his endless supply of Harry Potter's pick-up lines — especially because he was a sin dressed as a Slytherin. Baekhyun simply wanted to forget that stupid deal and act like the passionate fool he'd always been, showing how happy they were together, as a couple.

And it was with that in mind that, the moment he saw him placing the candles on the green and silver cake carefully decorated with a snake, Baekhyun hugged him from behind and wasted no time in kissing his neck, smiling as he shivered and stopped what he was doing. Kyungsoo immediately raised one hand to stroke his hair and placed the other on top of his hand, which rested on his belly.

"Shouldn't you be keeping company with your guests? You're the birthday boy," Kyungsoo muttered under his breath, smiling as Baekhyun's lips brushed his earlobe.

"Am I?" Baekhyun joked, whispering very close to his ear. "Sorry, I had to come check if everything was all right."

"It's all right," Kyungsoo replied, lowering his arm and turning to face him, still holding his hand. "Better now."

"When did we become this kind of sweet couple?" Baekhyun asked with a giggle, watching Kyungsoo laugh as he wrapped his own arms around his neck. 

"I don't know, but I like it…"

"Me too," Baekhyun whispered, being immediately enveloped by the obvious want that hung between them and bending to kiss him.

Baekhyun's hands brought Kyungsoo closer as their lips touched, holding his hips as if he no longer wanted to let him go, and opening his mouth to give access to his tongue. The kiss started slowly, but soon became more intense by the way Kyungsoo seemed to want Baekhyun, sucking his tongue and tightening his arms around his neck, practically sticking their bodies.

Baekhyun smiled during the kiss and pulled Kyungsoo's lower lip between his teeth before ending contact, still with his eyes closed and their foreheads glued, his hands seeking support on the counter behind him as Kyungsoo began stroking his hair, also regaining his breath. They stayed like that for a few seconds, saying absolutely nothing, until their eyes opened and met, making them laugh and kiss again and again.

This whole moment would have been even more perfect if they had not been interrupted, because as soon as Baekhyun thought of deepening those kisses, they heard someone clearing throat, which startled them both. Kyungsoo shoved Baekhyun almost reflexively and Baekhyun raised his hands as if caught in the act for a crime, looking at Minseok extremely guilty, who in turn had his arms crossed and a look of amusement on his face.

"You're lucky to be just me," Minseok said with a wry smile, approaching them and stepping straight to open the fridge and grab a bottle of beer. "Just don't do anything inappropriate in my kitchen, please."

"We were already going back!" Baekhyun exclaimed, a little embarrassed because he wasn't used to being caught in intimate moments with Kyungsoo, since his friends knew the nature of that relationship, but never really saw anything, thanks to the gods.

"Whatever." Minseok shrugged, already retreating. "Don't forget the birthday song."

Kyungsoo just laughed as soon as they were alone, finishing fixing the twenty-four candles on Baekhyun's cake and calling him to the living room.

As soon as the others saw Kyungsoo's rumpled clothes, Baekhyun's shaggy hair and their shamefully red lips, they could deduce exactly what they were doing in those minutes away, but decided not to say anything, knowing that it would be better for them to share the news when they felt prepared. Either way, the important thing was that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo finally decided to be honest about the feelings they had and that everyone could see.

In the end, they both agreed on one thing: It was far better to be more than just best friends with or without benefits, because now they knew they loved each other and if it depended on them this love would last for a long, long time. 

Without a doubt.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alexa play birthday sex by jeremih sjlwsdhf  
just for curiosity because it wasn't mention in the story, kyungsoo is a slytherin, junmyeon and jongdae are ravenclaw, chanyeol and minseok are gryffindor.  
that's it...  
please let me know what you think~  
bye 💜


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